Part two: Hide the truth and spread the lie
by PrivateInterest
Summary: So now Allie knows how she feels. Does it change something? Anything? Everything?.. This is the promised ‘part two, version 1’ to It’s Not A Crush. Read the first part before reading this one. Adison love.
1. Chapter 1

So here I am again! Thanks everybody who's keeping up with this story!

This is the second part of 'It's Not A Crush', version 1. If you haven't read the first part, you probably should… =D

For better explanation about the whole 'part two - version 1' thing, go to my profile.

Hope you like it!

I don't own anything (including money out of this story…)!

Enjoy!

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**Part two****: Hide the truth and spread the lie**

1 - Gotta love Adam

During the tour everybody was visited by friends and family from time to time. My mom was the most consistent visitor. Luckily, I was a teenager, so nobody found it strange. Of course, we all missed our families and homes, but it was probably the hardest for Lil, Megan and Michael, who had kids growing back at home and they couldn't see them very often.

Katy came to visit Kris, before and after concerts anytime she got the chance. Most of us got to know her a little bit better and everybody found her adorable and sweet. So did I. Although there were times when my affection towards her was overshadowed by other feelings…

"Hey guys!" Katy smiled at all of us as she came out of the dressing room with Kris. It was just before one of our concerts, when we were going through the usual process of preparation. Everybody smiled and greeted her.

Adam wrapped a hand around her shoulders and they walked to a couch, stating they were going to "gossip". Don't get me wrong, I love Katy, but could she be any closer to _my_ Adam? It was like they were best friends now or something. Well, it couldn't be 'or something', actually.

I tried not to be too obvious as I looked at them. They were sitting there together and chatting, as if they weren't in any kind of hurry. I made an effort to concentrate on Megan, who was telling me something about the last concert, but it wasn't very successful. My focus kept coming back to Adam and Katy.

She was even giggling and all, like she really did have a crush on him, which they liked to joke about. Well, all of the female human beings had a crush on Adam, in one way or another. And some males as well. You just can't _not_ love Adam, it's simply impossible.

Kris didn't seem to mind his wife was such a close friend of Adam's. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that everybody was good friends with Adam, both genders. Everybody loved him. Not that I could blame them, but I felt a little jealous. Jealous as a friend more than anything else. I wanted him to be _my_ best friend and closer with me than anybody else. Wait, why exactly did I think I deserved a special treatment?

Oh, right. I was his _'little sister'_. Why didn't it make me feel better? And since when people get so possessive over friends? Okay, maybe it was time to admit that everything about Adam was '_more_ than a friend' for me. Of course, I kept it to myself, knowing that everything about me was '_just_ a friend' for Adam.

Adam and Katy also talked on the phone a lot those days and sometimes those conversations seemed to be pretty serious. As if they had some kind of a privet common matter. Again, Kris didn't mind at all and often joined their conversations when Katy was around. I never tried to join the party, but not that I was ever invited… I knew it was only the childish side of me that noticed and envied and I knew it was stupid and ridiculous, but it was stronger than me sometimes.

Adam's family came to see him as well. They came with us to the hotel to spend some time with Adam. They couldn't stay for very long nor could they come too often.

"Well, where's my new daughter?" Adam's mom joked and when I ran up to them she gave me hug. "Nice to see you again, sweetie."

"You too." I smiled. They were always so nice to me.

"So, how are you, kids?" She asked Adam and me.

"We're great. It's all amazing." I replied.

"Yeah, it's totally surreal." Adam agreed.

"It must be hard for you to be far away from home for such a long time." Adam was talking to his father now, so she spoke to me.

"Yeah, it's no easy, but I've got my mom coming every now and then." I looked around the lobby. "She's somewhere around here."

"I'd like to meet again." She chuckled. "We have a common daughter after all."

"Sure." I laughed. "I think she's getting tired though, she doesn't fallow us all around now."

"I think she's just making sure everything is safe and good for you here. I bet she'll stop coming as often soon."

"I hope so. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love her and I will miss her terribly when she's not around as much, but she has a home and a job and a family to take care of. I don't want her to neglect everything because of me."

"You're right, but a mother will always be one." I nodded in agreement. "You know, Adam was right, you do have wisdom beyond your years."

"Oh, thank you." I blushed a little at her complement, which was even more pleasant as it came from Adam first. "There's my mom. Mom!"

***

I walked out of my hotel room and was Kris pacing as calmly as usual down the hallway. I ran up to him quickly and quietly and jumped on him from behind, taking him by surprise.

"Good morning to you too." He chuckled and carried me like backpack.

"Morning!" I replied cheerfully. "Where are you going?"

"To Matt's room. Everybody's there."

"Oh, then you're lucky it's not that far from here." We both laughed and he turned round the corner. "So what's up?"

"All good, as always." He reached for the doorknob of one of the rooms and turned it.

"Let me help you." I offered goofily, kicking the door open.

"Thanks, couldn't have done it without you." Kris said sarcastically and entered the room.

"Thanks for the ride, dude." I laughed and jumped back on my feet. I looked around the room: Matt and Danny were sitting on the couch with Matt's laptop on the coffee table in front of them; Anoop was watching some silly TV show and Lil was talking to Adam as they both set on the carpet next to the bed. "Helloooo!" I called and everybody gave a hand wave or a 'hi'.

"Hey, everybody." Megan entered the room with a smile across her face and everybody greeted again. I think they were doing it automatically already, without noticing who came in. "So I heard the gathering is here today."

"The rumor has it…" Matt muttered without taking his eyes off of the computer screen. I watched Kris join Anoop on the couch and turned to Megan, raising my eyebrows. She gave me a little shrug.

"I'm gonna do my nails." She raised a little case in her hand. "Do you want to barrow some polish?"

"Sure. I would take anything just not to get bored to death." Megan giggled and we took a place on Matt's bed.

"Hey, Adam, you're on Twitter again." Matt informed.

"Whatever, this guy has to get a life soon." Adam replied, standing up. There was someone who had all of his accounts under control and he didn't like it very much. "I'm going to grab a soda or something, does anybody want something?" Of course, everybody wanted something and eventually Adam got out with a whole list of things. I wanted to offer to come with him, but decided against it. I mean, I could spend every second with him, but it didn't mean I had to be such a leach, right?

"Don't you just love Adam?" Megan's voice startled me and I stared at her with astonishment. It took me a couple of seconds to get a grip. I slapped myself mentally, just before asking her how she could tell.

"Yeah, gotta love him…" I mumbled and looked down on the red nail polish. _'You have no idea.'_ I added in my head and hoped it would stay that way.

"Adorable creature." Megan chuckled. Before I could answer, we heard Matt and Danny practically explod with laughter. All eyes in the room were on them.

"What's up with you two?" Kris asked finally as both of them were rolling on the couch.

"Oh, man." Danny was breathless. "Don't mind us. We're just watching videos on YouTube." He looked at me and then cracked up again with Matt following his example.

"Hey! Why are you watching videos about _me_?" I demanded.

"Because they're funny and there are lots of them." Matt answered instead.

"Wait, what kind of videos are you watching exactly?"

"It's not our fault that when you run a search about American Idol tour you can only find cutie little clips about Kradam or Adison!" Danny claimed defensively, still laughing. "Or Adison babies…" He added and they could hardly hold their laughs back. Oh, so _that's_ what it was about…

"You're idiots." Lil told them. I couldn't disagree. "Don't you have better things to do?"

"Nope." They said in unison. Lil rolled her eyes at the same time I did. Although in my mind I was replying the clips that I've seen and it caused me a strong desire to cry. I wished it was all as easy as it was on fan videos. At a dark corner of my heart I wished it was true, even though it was a forbidden wish for me. It had been ever since it was created many months ago.

When Adam came back I didn't look up at him at first, for some reason I felt embarrassed. It's not like he could somehow guess what I was thinking, but still… I heard him announce every product out loud, as if it was an auction and everyone took their orders. I was still trying to focus on my fingernails. I had no idea what made me so nervous, but when I felt the mattress shift under his weight, my heart skipped a bit. Well, nothing new here.

"Your water." Adam told me and I had to look up at him.

"Thanks." I smiled and took the bottle from his hands.

"And that's a little bonus." He winked at me and handed me my favorite chocolate snack. Yep, you just have to love Adam.

"Thanks!"

"Just give the kid a candy…" I heard Danny say, but I didn't let it bother me.

"Don't be jealous, you got your chips, ." Adam replied and leaned back on the pillows. "How was the recording yesterday?" He asked me.

"Pretty good. I hope people will like it."

"Of course they will!" He assured me with a smile. "And you promised me a signed copy." I rolled my eyes, but didn't stop smiling. Adam grabbed a paper and started writing something, with a pen in one hand and soda in the other. I knew he was probably working on one of his songs, so I just sat there, enjoying my snack and view.

I loved to watch Adam when he was writing. He always got that pensive kind of look, his eyes turned unfocused as his thoughts wandered elsewhere. He would bite or lick his lips from time to time, or run a hand through his hair, all completely unconsciously, which made the sight even more fascinating. And then the excitement flame would appear in his crystal blue eyes and he would start writing very quickly for some time.

I bit on the inside of my cheek as my heart hammered in my chest, giving me a hard time to breathe. I could barely hold back a sigh as I kept watching every beautiful move he made, studying every gorgeous feature of his face. Everything about Adam was perfect and anything he did was incredibly fascinating to me. I wondered how long I would be able to bare this endless storm of emotions inside of me. Would I be able to survive the rest of the tour? Or was it just too much for my little fragile heart? Well, there was only one was to know and no way to escape it, really.

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Honestly, I'm not a big fan of this chapter. It's kind of empty… But it had to be done. Next chapter is so much better, if you ask me... Though who am I to decide? It's your authority… XD

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it at least a little bit. I'd appreciate some reviews! :D

Next chapter's in process!


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys! Thanks for reading and special thanks to EO4EVER for reviewing! :D

I changed the name, because it wasn't very nice with all of the 'part 2 – ver.1' thing. It's the same thing though.

I don't own anything.

Enjoy!

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2 - The day off

I knocked on Adam's door and he opened it almost immediately. He kissed my cheek and gestured me to come in, listening to someone on the phone. It was our first real day off and neither of us had any commitments for the day.

I studied Adam's appearance: he had a pair of black sweat pants and a simple gray T-shirt on, he wasn't wearing any makeup on and his hair was in utter disorder. I don't know why, but that morning he looked so adorably sweet and stunning at the same time, that I had a trouble to keep my heartbeats steady just looking at him.

"I know, baby, I miss you too, but I'll be back soon." I felt my heart sinking at the sound of his words. Thankfully he couldn't see my face, because I stood in front of the window with my back to Adam. I closed my eyes and let a deep breath in. _I don't have the right to be jealous_. I reminded myself. Those feelings I developed for him were only increasing no matter what I tried to convince myself of. I knew it was completely pointless, but couldn't do anything about it. I wasn't strong enough to keep a distance from him, especially not when he was so close all of the time. So the only possible way was to keep the feelings to myself and not show how much his words bothered me. "You're right, it won't be the same. Don't worry, I'll find time." By that moment I was trying to block what I was hearing and not listen to it. Unsuccessfully, of course. "I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Don't exaggerate." I felt his warm hand on my shoulder and when I looked up at him, he gave me one of his sweet smiles. I didn't even try to smile back, because I knew he would notice something was wrong, so I just nodded, hoping it would be enough. "Okay, look, I have to go now, so tell Hidey I said hi and go have some fun." I couldn't hear what the person on the other end of the line said, but it made Adam chuckle. "Yeah, right. Maybe you should get some sleep; you're starting to sound depressed. I'll see you soon. Yeah, bye." Then he finally hung up. "What's up, sunshine?"

"Same old." I shrugged and made an attempt to shake off the unpleasant feelings his conversation on the phone arose in me. "Your boyfriend?" I asked casually. He raised his eyebrows and stared at me. "I mean…" I was confused by his look and tried to figure what was wrong with what I said. I couldn't. "What?" I finally asked and then Adam burst out laughing. He seemed to be unable to stop for a while and all I could do was to simply stand there and watch him laugh, the confusion and embarrassment growing stronger inside of me by the second.

"Oh, God." He let out a shaky breath, rubbing his eyes.

"What's so funny?" I asked with annoyance. This awkward situation made me feel stupid for some reason.

"I can't believe you just said this…" Adam covered his face with one hand, trying to calm down. "Not you too…"

"What? What's wrong with what I said?"

"Nothing. I just wonder why you never asked the question everybody asks."

"Which is?" I was becoming impatient.

"Weather I'm gay." Clearly, he was amused, but I still couldn't figure out why. I stared at his face, not saying another word. "I mean, you just assumed."

"Assumed what?"

"That I am." I blinked a few times, watching him smiling at me, not bothered one bit. What did he mean? Why would I ask him that question?

Then it hit me. If I thought the situation had been awkward before, than now it was beyond embarrassing. I felt my cheeks burning with blush as my eyes widened.

"Oh," It was all I could say for a while. Suddenly, I had a strong desire to disappear from earth. I've never considered the possibility that he wasn't gay, even though we've never spoken about it. I simply took it as a fact. How could a person be so mistaken? I opened my mouth to speak and then closed it back.

"Don't worry about it. I guess it's my fault."

"This is so embarrassing." I finally managed to say. "But I thought... I mean it was never a secret, everybody knew and you never said anything…"

"Yeah, I said that I liked keeping everybody intrigued, it's interesting. I never said the rumor was true." He spoke with a smile. "Of course I never denied it too, so it's my fault everybody's so sure it's true. I just wasn't expecting this kind of comment from you."

"But the photos… Weren't they real?" I still couldn't process what I just found out.

"Ah, the photos…" He sighed. "No, they were real."

"Then how…" I struggled to find the right words. He had a little smile on his face, a bit ironic, as if I was missing a joke.

"It was a bet." He explained. "I was at some crazy party and my friends dared me to kiss the guy. All because of my job at a club back then… I didn't want to at first, but then one of them said I didn't have the guts…" He trailed off. "Well, you know you can say anything about me, but not that I don't have guts for something." He smirked at me.

"So what happened?" I asked and Adam chuckled before answering.

"So we made a bet." He paused and when I said nothing, he clarified. "I got a hundred bucks." As shocked as I was, I still couldn't help but laugh.

"Sounds like you." He nodded calmly in responce, still smiling. "Why didn't you just say you weren't gay when you've been asked?"

"Firstly, I don't think it's anybody's busyness. Secondly, do you think anybody would believe me? They would say I was just trying to hide the truth and no matter what I'd say, they would talk and make up rumors." It kind of did make sense. "Let them talk, it doesn't affect me."

"You realize it might've cost you the first place on Idol?"

"Oh, stop it. We've been through this many times, I don't care about not winning, I don't think there is a difference for me and I really mean it. For Kris, I hope it wasn't the reason why he won, but I think it's time to move on. And honestly, I don't care what anybody says about me. I am who I am, with eyeliner and nail polish and everything. I won't change if somebody doesn't like it; I know there are people who appreciate me as I am."

"Like me." I smiled and he wrapped his arms around me.

"Like you."

"I'm so sorry I never asked. I feel like an idiot."

"Don't worry about it." Adam waived his hand dismissively. "Now we have it all _straightened_ out." I laughed at his play on words.

"Wait, so it was a girl on the phone?" My mind was working with double speed, trying to analyze the new information. Different pictures started to float in my memory, now in a new perspective. I put a huge effort in pushing all of those thoughts away and try to function.

"Yeah."

"Your girlfriend, then?" I rephrased the question. It shouldn't have mattered, but for some reason, it did. And somehow a girlfriend sounded even worse than a boyfriend to me. I mean, I knew I didn't have any chances even now, that I knew he was straight… But did my heart know it? I wished I knew how to inform it.

"Oh, no, she's just a friend of mine." I can't even describe the relief I felt. Not that it changed anything. "My friends threw a party and she complained it was a disaster."

"Because you weren't there?" I could totally understand a statement like this. There was always more fun where Adam was.

"Well, that's what she claims, but it's ridicules, really."

"They can always put on your performances or something. I'm sure it will make the lamest party a roof raiser." He laughed and ruffled my hair. Here we go again…

"Do you want to call Kris and ask what he's doing? I think he's the only one left in the hotel."

"Sure." Adam grabbed his cell phone again and fell back on his bad, dialing Kris' number. I lay down as well, vertically from him and put my head on his chest. We were both looking up at the ceiling in silence until Kris answered the phone.

"Hey, Kris, what's up?" After a short conversation Adam hung up and put his phone on the nightstand. "He's with Katy."

"I thought she couldn't come today."

"Oh, she didn't. They're talking _online_, cameras and all… I don't want to even think about what's going on in that room." I could feel his body shaking a little with laughter. "Lil went to meet her family and Megan's parents came to visit her with her son and Scott's brother is here and I'm not sure where Matt and Danny are, but they're not in their rooms either. I feel like I'm the only one who stayed in my room to spend the whole day off doing nothing." He didn't seem to be disappointed by this fact.

"I'm kind of doing the same, only I'm staying in your room to do nothing." I smiled. "Strangely, I don't feel like doing anything today."

"Me neither. I just want to hang out, chill, rest…"

"I can go back to my room, if you want." I suggested, trying not to show how much I didn't want that.

"Don't be silly. You know I like your company." What a relief… sweet and warm. He wanted me to be there, I knew he wouldn't lie. At least I really hoped he wouldn't.

We stayed in that position for a while, simply lying there and talking. It felt so good, to just be with him. I didn't care what we were doing, as long as we were together.

"Have you ever been in love?" Adam asked me suddenly. I swallowed hard. I had two options: to lie or to lie. The only difference was weather I tell him what had been before I met him – before I knew what love was, or just make something up about someone imaginary.

"No." My voice sounded a bit higher than usual, but he didn't notice.

"Ah, first love, first kiss… I can't wait to see you in love." All of a sudden I had an unbearable desire to tell him that that's what he'd been doing for the last couple of months: seeing me in love. "Though I think I'll hate anyone who gets close to you." He chuckled, shaking my head, which was still on his chest. I rolled over, leaning on my elbows, to look at his face. "I'll probably think he's not good enough for you, no matter who he will be." The breath got caught in my throat. He was wrong, because the only one I wanted was _way_ too good for me.

"Actually, I've had my first kiss." I said just to concentrate on something else. He looked at me questioningly. "Yeah, but it wasn't about love or anything at all. It was with my friend, about two years ago." I smiled at the memory. Now, looking back, it seemed so silly. "It was his sixteenth birthday, which is a few months before mine and neither of us had kissed before, so we just wanted to try. You know, to _check it out_." I used one of my funny tones for the last words. "So childish… Just because we wanted to be able to say we'd kissed. Ridiculous, I know." Adam smiled back at me, not showing any intentions to laugh at what I said or tease me about it. "And I can't believe I'm telling you this!" I dropped my head, covering my face with both hands.

"You can tell me anything, you know it. And there is nothing to be embarrassed about, I can totally understand it. You're a teenager, you want to experience things and _check things out_."

"I always end up telling you stuff, but you never do." I felt like getting to know him even more, now there was a whole different side of him I didn't really know. We never actually talked about love and romance before, which pretty much caused the awfully embarrassing misunderstanding.

"I think I'm pretty much an open book, I tell everybody everything." He laughed a little at himself. "I have such a big mouth."

"Tell me something nobody knows." I looked up at him with excitement as he rolled to his side to be able to look at my face properly.

"I don't think there is such a thing…" He looked as honest as always.

"Okay, then tell me…" I thought for a moment, deciding I didn't really want to know about his past at that point. "About your dreams. You know, what you're looking for in a girl and what you want from a relationship…" I rested my chin on my hands, studying his face.

"Well, you know I don't like labels and stereotypes. I can tell you I'm looking for a girl that's like this, this and that, but eventually fall for the complete opposite."

"True. But I think you won't fall for a boring girl or a liar or some snob."

"I guess I won't, but she might be interesting for me even if someone thinks she's boring. It's all very individual and personal."

"Okay, but you don't have any preferences or dreams?"

"Everybody has dreams. I want to find love. Real love. Like Kris and Katy's." I looked at him with interest. "They have an amazing bond. I believe that when you share feelings like theirs and when it's just right, you can overcome anything. Nothing else really matters, when you have what they do." I listened to him, almost enchanted.

"I've never thought about it like this, but I can see what you mean. And I think you're totally right."

"That's what I want." Adam shrugged. "Not necessarily the same kind of relationship or life, but the dedication to each other, the love and respect. It's so inspiring to see them together." I smiled, but in the back of my head I saw Katy giggling in a conversation with Adam. I couldn't help but wonder what it meant, now that I knew Adam wasn't her _gay_ friend. And they certainly couldn't be anything but friends. So what was that all about? "And it's amazing how they've stayed together since high school for so long."

"Yeah and they're very young and already married."

"I don't think it's about age, really." I couldn't agree with him more, only it had nothing to do with Kris and Katy. "They had been together for a long time and they were ready. Some people need years, others need only a few months to know this is it. Some people aren't ready until they're forty, others already are at twenty."

"And they are totally ready, if you ask me." We were silent for a few seconds. His brilliant azure eyes were serious and warm, and I felt somehow closer to him as I looked deep into them. "We should stop gossiping." I said eventually, afraid I could lose control at some point.

"We're not gossiping. We're saying nice things about nice people." I laughed lightly. "Besides, it's nothing I've never said to them before." He looked at my raised eyebrows. "What? I told you I have a big mouth."

"And only good things are coming out of it." I teased. "I think you're addicted to being too sweet!"

"Oh, really? Name one bad thing you said about Kris. Or Katy. Or even me!" Well, I could remember a few thoughts I had… But I wasn't about to tell him. So I just threw a pillow at him instead. Adam threw it back, but missed as I moved and then froze.

I was on Adam Lambert's bed. In horizontal position. With Adam himself lying a few inches away from me on the same bed. He wasn't gay and I was completely in love with him, but he had no freaking idea about it.

Man, the world is so messed up.

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So now I can tell you what the difference between the two versions of the story is. In version 1, Adam's straight and in version 2, Adam's gay (which is closer to reality…) it's as simple as that. Although this little change of fact will change the entire plot. So each version will kind of show the way the story would've went in each case. Well, only in our imagination of course… =D

Just to be clear, I don't have a problem with the gay part. Not at all. Adam is amazing no matter what. This is for entertainment only.

I would love to see some reviews so I know if I should continue the story!.. Tell me what you think so far…


	3. Chapter 3

Hi everyone! Thanks for reading and as usually thanks to EO4EVER for the review! :D

Nothing belongs to me.

Enjoy!

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3 – No.

By the twentieth concert most of the idols lost their enthusiasm a little bit. Singing the same songs in the same order, on the same stage and with the same outfits each time was tiring everybody. By the thirtieth concert people began counting days to the end. Yes, it all was very exciting and we were living our dreams, but it was also exhausting and after the concerts we all felt spent and completely lacking any strengths. Well, most of us anyway…

Some of us had other responsibilities as well. I thanked God I didn't have school during the summer, because I would've never been able to handle it in addition to everything else. I had to work on my record, though. And it was great, but sometimes I wasn't sure I could go on. Danny liked to joke about it, saying my battery was running low again. This time I actually agreed with him, but still tried to do my best to stay as energetic as possible, receiving some of the strength from Adam, whose excitement seemed never-ending. Even during interviews, when he was asked the same questions over and over again, he would give the answers that most of us knew by heart as excitedly and politely as at the beginning. I mostly felt lost at interviews, so his ability to always know how to answer didn't stop to amaze me.

All of the feelings I had for Adam weren't helping either, because I spent so much time with him and it was getting harder by the hour to just bare it quietly. This led to horrifying thoughts about telling him how I felt. However one incident made me actually consider it seriously.

When we finished '_Slow Ride'_ again during one of the concerts and the stage fell into complete darkness, as it always did in the end of a song, Adam hugged me as usual. Only this time I felt a light pressure on my lips, warm and gentle, almost like a kiss… Wait! It was a kiss. I knew he meant to kiss my cheek, like he often did, but because of the dark and me turning my head in the wrong time, his lips landed on top of mine, instead of pressing to the side of my face. Yes, it was a simple mistake, which he didn't give any thought to and maybe didn't even notice he made, but for me it was so much more. Seriously, for a moment, I thought I was sure I was having a heart attack! It was then when I decided I had to talk to him and tell him all about my feelings.

***

I knocked on the door to Megan's room and entered when she called 'open'. When I came in she was in the bathroom doing her makeup. I fell on her bed, watching her from there. I wanted to ask her if she wanted to do something or just hang out, but apparently she had other plans.

"Where are you going?" I asked Megan. She was wearing a pretty pink top and white, tight pants, which wasn't something she would wear to just hang out at the hotel.

"A date." She answered nervously. I was about to ask her for details, but there was a knock on the door. "Come in." Megan called, putting her shoes on.

"Hey." I was surprised to see Adam's face peeking into the room. "Are you ready?" He asked Megan after giving me a smile. My heart sank with both shock and hurt. It couldn't be… They couldn't… Could they?

"Yeah." Megan stood up and Adam took her appearance in.

"Wow, you look great." I guess they could. But when? And how? And why did I miss all of this? "These shoes are so much better than those that you tried on yesterday. Don't you agree with me, Allie?" It took me a moment to realize he was talking to me. What the hell was going on?!

"Yeah, sure." Adam gave me a strange look and turned to Megan again.

"Nervous?" He asked her as she came up to him.

"Like hell." She admitted and Adam put a hand around her.

"Don't worry, it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great!" Before they left the room Adam turned his head to me again. "Are you staying here?" I nodded automatically. "Okay, I'll be right back."

"Good luck." I managed to choke out. Then the door behind them closed and it hit me. He'll be right back? As in right back _alone_?

And he really did come back alone, about half an hour after he left. It was such a long half an hour… Seriously, somebody had to explain to me what was going on. I felt lost.

I went out to the balcony of Megan's room and set down on a chair in front of Adam, opening the ice cream can and gave him a spoon.

"Ah! You're so cruel! Don't tempt me with that stuff; you know it's hard for me to refuse!" He laughed, but didn't take the spoon I was offering him.

"I don't understand why you even need to refuse." I shrugged and dug my spoon into the ice cream.

"I told you I'm trying to lose weight."

"Yeah, I just don't know why. You look awesome." He looked at me with a smile playing on his lips and curiosity in his eyes.

"Are complementing me?" He asked playfully. I hoped he couldn't see the blush on my cheeks in the dim lightning.

"No, I'm telling you a fact. If you don't believe me, ask whoever you want." I tried to keep it casual. "Especially those screaming girls who keep throwing you bras and stuff." I added teasingly, just to lighten up the mood.

"That's sweet, thank you." He ignored my last comment and gave me the warm smile that I liked the best. I felt my heart skip a beat at the breathtaking sight.

"So what was all of this about?" I changed the subject, gesturing to the entrance to Megan's room.

"It's Megan's first date since her ex." Adam explained.

"Really? Wow… That's why she was so nervous."

"Yeah. She needed a ride." He continued. "And support. It's good to have a friend for this kind of situations. The guy seems nice, though."

"You met him?"

"No, but I watched them meet. He seemed okay. I hope he is. She really deserves the best. Life wasn't easy on her."

"Yeah and being so far from her baby… it must me so hard… Man, I can't imagine what she's going through."

"It's not easy." He nodded. "But she's doing it for her son, so he can have a better life and be proud of her."

"In the end it's always about the family." I agreed. "I couldn't have done it without my family's support."

"Of course, it's just not worth it if you don't have anybody to share it with."

"Totally." I was looking straight at his gorgeous face, my heart quick and strong in its beats, and I felt that strangely pleasant shiver I was almost used to by now.

"It's hart for you too, isn't it? To be away from your home and family and friends…" His voice pulled me back from the daze I was in.

"Isn't it hard for everybody?"

"Yeah, but I'm used to live apart from my family, I've been living on my own for a long time. You still lived at home before Idol."

"I guess you're right. It's easier now, though. I used to miss them a lot in the beginning. It was both good and strange to come back home after Idol. It took me some time getting used to it. Though it's never gonna be the same as it used to be before I did the show."

"In a good or a bad way?"

"A good way, I guess. Maybe a little bad. I don't know, it's just different."

"I know." And I knew he did, I could tell by the look in his eyes.

"But I actually get to see my mom a lot, as you know." We both tried to hold back a laugh. My mother tried to go with me to most destinations in our tour, though I didn't have a lot of time to be with her and in my opinion it was absolutely unnecessary. "I think she's going to get fired soon." Adam chuckled. "I suspect she's not coming for me, though." I moved my brows suggestively. "I think she's got a crush on you for quite a while now…" Well, I guess it runs in the family, doesn't it?

"Hey, I don't need problems with your father!" Adam said defensively, grinning at me.

"Oh, don't worry; my dad is a big fan of yours too." I laughed as he jokingly posed for me with a seductive look. "I love you, Adam!" I said breathlessly. I've said those words to him so many times before, but this time they had a whole different meaning. Too bad he had no idea about it.

"I love you too, sis." Of course he misunderstood my statement, but it was a step, wasn't it? This incident made me think a lot about the situation between Adam and me and eventually it led to the realization that I wanted to tell him how I felt as soon as possible. For real, this time. I had to make sure he knew I truly meant it and understood in exactly what way.

***

I was lying on my bunk on the girls' tour bus with my iPod playing musing I wasn't really hearing. Adam wasn't there, as well as all the other guys for that matter. It was a drive of a few hours and it was the longest time I spent apart from him for a while, except of the time when we were working on our albums or sleeping. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I wanted to be away from him. In fact, I was missing him already, but I really needed to take some time to think about the whole situation and reconsider everything, without being destructed by his breathtaking smile or piercing look or sweet voice or… well, you get the point. The question was: did I really want to tell him about my feeling to him?

I was starting to get frustrated and wished I could talk to somebody about it. It could help, only I didn't know who would be suitable for the role. Not anyone from Idol, that was for sure, because they would instantly know who I was talking about. I might've talked to my mom, if it wasn't about a twenty seven years old rock star who gave millions of fans 'Adamgasms'. Although I couldn't imagine myself asking my mom's advice in this department anyway. I could talk to one of my friends from school, but it felt a little awkward, to talk about something like that on the phone and all. My best friend and I haven't spoken about anything serious in weeks, months even.

Eventually I ran out of options, without finding anyone to talk to. I was already reconsidering calling Jess, my best friend from school, but then I played the possible conversation in my head and truth to be told, it wasn't very comforting. What could I tell her? _"You know what, Jess? I fell for this guy, who's ten years older than me and I'm like his little sister, so nothing can ever happen between us. You think I should tell him how I feel?"_ Not very promising, is it? I knew what her answer would be. I knew what anybody's answer would be. I didn't really need to ask anybody, because the answer would remain the same no matter how the question is put or to whom it's addressed. _'__**No**__'_. And I knew it was the right, sane answer for this ridiculously pointless question. Maybe it was the reason why I couldn't find anybody to talk to in the first place, because I already had the answer.

You would think this realization would stop me from doing the unbelievably stupid mistake. Think again.

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Well, you can guess what happens in the next chapter... It'll be out soon. Although I kind of feel like only one person is reading this story... And I wonder why, because a lot pf people read the first part of the story... :-( I don't know, maybe people still don't know there's a second part, which is separated from the first one? *Sigh*

Let me know what you think about the chapter and all... I hope you enjoyed it.


	4. Chapter 4

And here we meet again... XD

Thank you very much for the support and for reading the story!

This chapter is gonna be quite dramatic... If you know what I mean...

Enjoy!

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4 – Now or never

I took a deep breath before knocking on the door of Adam's hotel room. We arrived there that afternoon and we didn't have a concert that night, so I figured there wouldn't be better time to talk to him. So it was _now_ or _never_.

"Hey, Allie." Adam was beaming at me as he opened the door, which somehow encouraged me about my decision. It took me a long time to make it and gain enough courage to actually do something with it. Although that time only gave me more confidence in what I was about to do. Time passed and my feelings haven't weakened one bit so far, all the way around, they kept getting stronger, even though it didn't seem possible. I knew I was in love with Adam and I simply couldn't bare it quietly anymore.

"Hey." I replied as he kissed me on the cheek, letting me in. Well, it certainly wasn't what I was hoping for, because apparently the 'gathering place', as Megan called it, was Adam's room this time. Could they possibly choose a worse timing? "Hi, guys." I waived at them with a smile, but my mind was rushing through thoughts like racing car in a competition.

"We were trying to pick a movie to watch. Do you want to choose?" Adam asked me with that light tone of his voice. He didn't have a stinking idea about what I was going through.

"No, I don't care." I answered almost automatically. I felt dazed. Did it mean _never_, then?

"I can pick a movie." Danny offered.

"Definitely not." I could barely hear Matt's voice, as if from the other room. Not saying another word I slipped to the bathroom, unnoticed. I didn't know why it affected me that way. Maybe it was because I was so ready to talk to him that night, but wasn't sure I would be as confident the next day, or because I didn't want to live through another day keeping everything inside, afraid I would explode eventually… Maybe for some other reason or for all of them. But the result was the same: I was hiding in Adam's bathroom, having a hard time to breath and keep the tears inside.

What the hell was going on with me? Was I having a nervous breakdown or something? Well, the situation was kind of nerve-wracking, wasn't it? I washed my face with cold water, put my hands on the marble on each side of the sink for support and looked in the mirror. I wondered when I'd turned into such a fragile drama queen. But then again, there has never been a situation like this in my life before, so I wouldn't know even if I was born like this. The question was what I was going to do now? Do I drop the idea to tell Adam about my feelings, or do I wait for another opportunity? Maybe it was a sign…

"Allie?" I heard his worried voice before he knocked on the door. "Are you alright?" So maybe my escape wasn't as unnoticed as I thought. It was Adam after all, of course he would notice when something was wrong with me.

When I didn't answer again he opened the door that I didn't bother to lock and entered the bathroom, probably convinced I passed out or something. I surely was about to, when I met his piercing eyes in the mirror, they were full of concern. We just stood there for a long moment, not breaking the eye contact, even though it was only through the reflections.

"What happened?" His voice was just above a whisper when he finally spoke up.

"We need to talk, Adam." I told him quietly, yet confidently.

"Okay… Let's talk." He saw it was serious by my expression and I could see the concern in his eyes increase.

"Not here." My voice sounded much calmer than I felt.

"Allie, what's –" I cut him off.

"Let's go for a walk." I offered. At first I thought to ask him to go to my room, but then decided against it. I might've been insane, for wanting to go through this, but I wasn't stupid. I mean, I knew it could end badly and then it would be too awkward if we were in my room… No, I needed a neutral territory.

"Sure." Adam didn't smile, like he usually would, and didn't move his eyes from me. We left his room without telling anybody a single word. Though they were pretty caught up in the fight about the movie selection, so nobody paid attention to us.

For a long time neither of us spoke. I tried to gather all of my strength to start the conversation as he waited patiently. I've played this talk thousands of times in my head, thinking every word through, but when the moment to voice them came I didn't know where to start.

"Please talk to me, Allie, I'm freaking out here." Adam gave up eventually. I couldn't blame him; I was driving him crazy with this behavior. When had I started to analyze everything like this? I used to do and say what was on my mind. Besides, it didn't really matter _how_ I was going to tell him. It was all about _what_.

"I'm sorry." Honestly, I didn't know if I was apologizing for my silence or for what I was going to tell him.

"What for, sweetie? What happened?" Adam stopped walking and turned to me. We were somewhere between the hotel we were staying at and the closest beach. There was nobody around, which was good, and no buildings or anything else, just grass under our feet and the dark clear sky above our heads.

I swallowed and inhaled quietly. That was it…

"Adam, I'm…" I bit my bottom lip for a second. "I'm in love with you." I practically breathed out the words, almost too low for him to hear. Almost. My heart was hammering in my chest, which was rising and falling heavily with my nervous breaths. I left no place for misunderstandings, it was all crystal clear.

To that very moment, I had no idea why I wanted to do this. I mean, it couldn't change anything. Well, at least not in a good way, though it could ruin or friendship irreparably. So why was I so eager to tell him? Maybe I hoped it would be easier if I finally let it out, or that he would find a solution to this torturing situation… But honestly, I knew those were just excuses to explain this irrational decision. Because when I said those words, I knew that the faint hope he would share those feelings with me existed somewhere in my subconscious. Damn it, I really was insane.

"W-What?" The shock was evident on his face and I could almost hear his mind race, trying to process what I just told him.

"You heard me, Adam." Suddenly my voice was weak and the tears were already making their way to my eyes, blurring my vision. "I'm sorry." I was almost whispering by now.

"Allie, you…" He was at loss of words, probably for the first time in his life. "It's not possible… It just can't be…"

"I know…" The tears were beginning to slide down my face, but I didn't have the strength to hold them back anymore.

"Look, you're confused." He put his hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes, as if trying to convince me. "You're young and I know you have never been in love, so I think you misunderstand your –" That was too much. I didn't expect something like that from him.

"I haven't been in love until I met you. And I might be young, but it doesn't mean I can't tell the difference between affection to a friend and love!" I was getting angry and strangely, it gave me strengths. "I didn't choose it and I tried to fight it, but I can't. I really can't."

"Oh, God…" I didn't know if my words finally got to him, or something he saw in my eyes, but he dropped his hands from me and just stood there, staring at me with a mix of emotions written all over his face. "It's all my fault." He choked out eventually.

"What?" I wasn't sure I'd heard right.

"I'm such an egoistic idiot!"

"_What_?!" I repeated with even more shock.

"My behavior… I've never given it a thought… Not once. I was hugging and kissing you and practically flirting the whole time… I…" He was getting short in air as the flow of the words didn't stop.

"Adam." I tried to cut in.

"I mislead you, I gave you the wrong impression… I…"

"Adam! Listen to me! Not for one second you gave me the impression something could happen between us. It's not because of your hags and kisses and whatever. I just felt in love with the amazing person you are. I couldn't help it." I shrugged.

"I don't know what to say…" He whispered for some reason.

"I'm sorry." I repeated.

"Please stop apologizing." He sighed heavily. "You know, everybody has crushes on people and most of the time they just go away after a while…"

"I'm so past some silly crush on you, Adam." I tried to stop crying, but it seemed impossible. "I know it brings only problems, but there's nothing I can do about it." I turned away from him, wiping the tears from my cheeks, which was pointless, because they were replaced by new ones immediately.

"Allie, don't blame yourself." I heard his voice behind me, closer than I expected. "I wish I didn't hurt you this way…"

"You didn't. It's not like you could stop me from falling for you, even I couldn't do it." I avoided saying the 'L' word again.

"Maybe I could, if I acted differently…"

"You mean if you weren't yourself?" I asked bitterly.

"I never wanted you to get hurt, to feel any kind of pain." His low voice was even closer and from the corner of my eye I could see his hand hovering above my shoulder, but then disappearing as he probably thought it wouldn't be a good idea to touch me. "All I ever wanted was to be your friend, but I was so selfish that I never noticed anything…"

"Oh, come on, it's not like you can read mind." Even though sometimes I was almost convinced he could. "And you wouldn't be able to do anything to prevent this anyway."

"I wish I could do something at least now…" I could hear tears in his voice too and my heart squeezed painfully. "Something to make you feel better."

"I don't have some kind of a deathly disease, Adam."

"You have no idea how much I care about you, Allie." Adam's voice broke a couple of times and I bit on my lip again, hard. "And it hurts me so much to see you like this." I didn't respond and he didn't speak for a while. What else could I say? There was no way back now and I didn't want it. Strangely, although it hurt like hell, I felt a little bit relieved. I listened to his deep breaths, repeating in a regular pace behind me. It was silent for some time, but I wasn't sure how much exactly. Seconds, minutes, hours maybe? "This is so wrong." Adam said eventually, exhaling sharply.

And then I couldn't deal with it anymore. I just exploded, running out of patience.

"What is so wrong about it?!" I was practically screaming as I turned back to face him. "What's the horrible tragedy? A girl fell for a guy. So what? Okay, so he's older and nothing can happen between them, for some unknown reason. So?" He looked at me in shock, tears and pain in his eyes.

"The thing is that the girl and the guy are you and me." His eyes were piercing their way to my soul, making me shiver. Moments like this made me think he could read my thoughts. Moments like this made me want to read his. Moments like this made me wish he was mine…

"I'm not asking for anything, Adam. I told you, I just couldn't hold it inside anymore." I stepped back. "And I would give anything to make you feel the same way about me." I could swear I saw him flinch at this statement. Well, he had to know how much I cared about him and that it wasn't just a crush. He would have to deal with it later. "But I can't change how you feel, so there's nothing to do really."

"Allie, I wish –"

"Don't." My voice was high pitched for some reason. "I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble." I broke again in the end, tears stating a new session, and began running back to the hotel, leaving Adam stand there, more confused than ever. This was why I wanted to talk to him outside of my room, so I could have a place to run to. A place to hide in and cry as much tears as my body could provide.

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Share your thoughts with me... Next chapter is on the way!


	5. Chapter 5

Hey everyone!

So first of all, thank you all very much for the support, it really means a lot.

I hope you enjoy this chapter, although it's a bit angsty...

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5 – The longest day of my life

I just got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around myself and looked into the mirror. I wasn't able to see my reflection as the mirror was covered with steam from the hot water I used. Suddenly I felt too hot, having a trouble to breathe the thick air. I leaned forward, putting my hands from both sides of the sink to support myself. I had no idea where all of this weakness suddenly came from, but every move caused me horrible effort, as if my whole body was too heavy for me to control.

I put all of my strengths to reach to the mirror in front of me and wipe it with my hand. Why was it so important to look in the mirror? I couldn't remember. I just knew I had to do it. And when I did, I was taken by surprise at the two reflections instead of one. I saw Adam stand behind me in the mirror and immediately turned around to face him. I wanted to tell him something, but I couldn't speak, choking from lack of air in my lungs. There was too much moisture in the air, almost as if I was trying to breathe under the surface in a pool of water. That's it, I felt like I was drowning, with the heat burning me from inside and out.

I knew it wasn't long before I would either drown or burn, but he had to know first. I had to let him know… But I still couldn't talk. So I just pulled the towel that was the only thing covering me and it fell to the floor, revealing my whole body as I was fighting to take shallow breaths.

Adam's face twisted with both shock and terror, as if he saw something frighteningly disturbing. I stretched my hand towards him, but he only took a step back, shaking his head with widened eyes. Everything was spinning around me, but I could see only his horrified, almost pained face. I wanted to say something, to explain, to shout or to cry, but I was paralyzed.

"This is so wrong." I heard him say before everything went black and I felt myself sink quickly, almost as if I was falling physically.

I opened my eyes, panting heavily as drops of sweat slid down my face and back.

"Oh, God." I whispered to myself. It was only a dream… The worst nightmare I've ever had, by miles. Nothing could compare to this.

I climbed out of my bed and dragged my feet to the bathroom. The sun was only making its way up from the horizon and I didn't even bother to check the time. Last night was tough, no doubt. I've cried for hours, fighting back the memories of the conversation with Adam and after failing miserably, trying to deal with them. I couldn't remember when I finally fell asleep, but it took me a long time, that was for sure.

I stepped out of the shower and caught myself half expecting Adam to appear out of nowhere in my bathroom. I quickly shoved that stupid thought aside and tried to concentrate on something else, but all I could think of was the dream I've had. Now that I thought about it, it kind of made sense. Well, symbolically, of course.

I opened up to him, revealing my deepest and most privet secret. Which was probably the only one I had. I exposed my feelings, leaving my soul bare and vulnerable in front of him. And his reaction was a mixture of shock, terror and pain, though not as brutally extreme as in the dream.

But what did I expect, really? I knew he wasn't going to be excited or joyful about it and I couldn't blame him. It only made things harder, for both of us, so there was nothing to be ecstatic about. I was scared to even think about what was going to happen to our friendship. How were we going to behave around each other? The new reality was going to be awfully awkward.

I took my time to dress up, not bothering to put any makeup on. When it was late enough to get out of the room, I went down to the hotel's dining room. I felt practically a zombie as I took a seat at an empty table and started to eat my breakfast, not really tasting the food.

"Allie!" I heard Megan's voice before she set on the chair in front of me. "How are you feeling?" She asked worriedly. I looked up at her in confusion. "Adam told us you didn't feel very good."

"What?"

"Isn't it why you left last night?" Oh, so at least he made up an excuse. Not that I expected him to tell everybody about our conversation… I reminded myself I didn't have the right to be angry with him.

"Yeah." I made it short.

"So how are you now?" I knew she was only being nice, but it annoyed me. Well, everything annoyed me. Maybe it was the lack of sleep.

"Not so great." I said honestly and made a mental note to get some sleep later, or at least try to.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No, thanks, I'll be fine." I wished I could believe in it myself at that moment.

"Okay, let me know if you need something." I just nodded and she left the table to go get her own breakfast. After finishing my meal I went out for a walk in order to clear my head. I had to find a way to live through the rest of the tour. After it's over I wouldn't have to see Adam so much anymore, which wasn't very comforting either. Well, there was another month of the tour anyways, a month of both torment and pleasure.

The time seemed to be crawling, as if to make my torture longer, but the thought of the show that night made me prefer the time stopped completely. I was dreading the moment I had to face Adam again and had no idea what to do or say when it would happen. There were also the performances I had to give and wanted to do it properly. How I was about to get out of that night alive, only God knew. I, personally, didn't think I could do it. It seemed simply impossible to me.

***

"Are you okay?" Lil asked me as we were getting our makeup done for the show. Was I that transplant?

"Yeah, why?"

"Because you don't look okay." I sighed. I was transplant.

"I just didn't sleep well."

"Yeah, it happens." She gave me an encouraging smile. I was so glad she just dropped it. Most of the day I just hid in my room, avoiding everybody and tried to sleep, which didn't go very well. I still haven't seen Adam today, but I knew I would in a short time. The thought about just seeing him made me anxious, let alone performing with him and the worst part was that both were inevitable.

"Hey, girls." My heart sank as I heard his voice from the entrance. There was something different about the tone of his voice… It wasn't as cheerful as usual; there was a strange edge to it.

"Hi," I mumbled with Lil as he took his place next to her.

"I like your hair this way." Lil commented and he thanked her politely, but the usual excitement he carried was lacking. I avoided looking at him and he made it easier as he didn't talk to me directly. As soon as my makeup was done I escaped from the room with the excuse I had to get my hair fixed. Thanks goodness I didn't have to do any press that day; I wouldn't be able to go through that. But Adam had to.

Man, I haven't thought about what he was going through even once. How selfish could I be? I was so absorbed in misery and my self-pity that I've never considered how hard it was for him. I dropped that bomb on him out of nowhere and left him deal with it. And as if it wasn't enough, he didn't have the luxury to hide under a rock the whole day. He had to talk to people and act like nothing happened, no matter what was going on the inside. I was beginning to regret my decision to tell him. Although it was pretty pointless, because what had been done couldn't be erased.

I somehow lived through my performance and didn't watch Adam sing until I had to go on the stage for the duet. He introduced me as "Miss Allison Iraheta", without the usual "my girl" or "my sister" in front of it. Just plain "Miss". I felt a pang in my heart, but still pulled on a fake smile and made my way to the stage, starting the song. And then my eyes found his striking beauty. I couldn't postpone this moment any longer; I had to give a good performance. My head was spinning and my breaths fastened. I haven't seen him for twenty lousy hours, but to me it felt like a month, especially now that I was looking at him.

The part of the song when we had to get closer to each other eventually arrived. He was acting as usual, it was impossible to tell something was bothering him or that something had changed at all. But then our eyes met. His piercing gaze was so warm and serious, understanding, as if he knew everything I was going through at those minutes, which he probably did. Instantly, like it was a reflex reaction, I felt more relaxed and a little comforted. It seemed impossible, the way he was both my pain and my relief. The disease and the cure.

The song ended and the moment that was usually dedicated to our hug now was filled with awkward hesitation. Then Adam wrapped me in a short-lived hug. I didn't move and held my breath until he released me and I had to get off the stage. Afterwards I saw him again in the backstage, though we didn't talk, and again during the final group song. And then it was over.

I survived this concert against all odds. I made it to the girls' tour bus without falling apart. I successfully avoided all of the conversations and questions, just saying I had a rough night, which wasn't even a lie. I even made myself smile for a few minutes, giving autographs to fans. I could be proud of myself, I guess. One show down, seventeen to go…

The longest day of my life finally came to a closure. Although I didn't believe I had something better waiting for me the next day. I knew that tomorrow was going to be about the same as today. Nothing had changed and probably wasn't going to in the neatest future. I just had to learn to live with it and be myself with or without Adam around. Now I needed to figure a way how to do that…

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Tell me what you think! Next chapter will be up as soon as always...


	6. Chapter 6

Hey everyone! Thank you as always for reading and reviewing! :D

This chapter is even more depressing, if you ask me... but it had to be done. Not much of fun, but hopefully touching.

Enjoy!

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6 – Lonely

The next morning I woke up from dreamless sleep when we pulled to our next hotel. It was probably the first time I was actually able to sleep in the bus bunk. The other girls were chatting enthusiastically about something as we made our way inside. I didn't care enough to listen or care about what was their conversation. I actually felt better than yesterday, maybe because I didn't have choking and burning nightmares this time, or because I got a decent amount of sleep that night.

I just had to take my mind off of Adam and concentrate on my music; the tour and the album… Right! Who I was kidding? The whole time I spent in the room all I could think of was him. His face appeared in front of my eyes every time I would close them and I could almost hear his voice talking to me. I was going to lose my mind, if I stayed there alone any longer. I needed to do something, to keep myself busy for the next few hours until the usual preparations to the show started.

The temptation to go to Adam's room was too dangerous, even though I knew I wouldn't go. I still wanted to, badly. I didn't want to discuss my feelings with him or to try and find the unexciting solution together. I just wanted to spend time with him. I simply wanted to be close to him. I got up from my bed, deciding to go to look for Megan or Matt, when I heard a knock on my door.

"Who is it?" I asked loudly and took a hairbrush to brush my hair, which was in utter disorder, of course.

"It's me." My hands froze at the sound of his quiet voice. I didn't reply. Great, just what I needed. "Please let me in."

"Why?" Since when did Adam have to _ask_ me to open my door for him? Or even have a reason to come to my room? He has always been more than welcomed. Well, apparently everything changed two days ago, when I decided I couldn't live without him knowing. Now he knew. And it was even worse.

"We need to talk." Adam said patiently.

"No, we don't." I was already only a few feet away from the door.

"Come on, Allie, you know we do." There was no way I would talk to him, I wasn't ready yet. Not that I thought I would ever be. But I also knew he wasn't going to let go. I knew him too well. I opened the door.

"There's nothing to talk about." I said and passed by him, closing the door behind me. I was going to look for someone, wasn't I?

"Allie," He caught my arm gently.

"Please don't." My voice was only a little louder than a whisper.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't deal with it properly." It hurt me to see him feel so guilty. He didn't deserve any of this, it was all my fault.

"It's not your problem to deal with." My voice sounded so much rougher than I intended it to.

"Don't say this." Adam frowned. "Aside from everything, I'm still your friend."

"I don't think I can be just your friend anymore. It just hurts too much." I looked straight into his eyes, watching the emotion burn in them. It was real agony for me to bate this sight.

"So you want me to keep a distance?" Adam bent slightly closer to me and released my arm slowly. "I'll do whatever makes it easier for you." He promised and I knew he truly meant it.

"I don't think there's something that can make it easier, but I know what is making it harder." Adam stepped back, straightening up quickly with his eyes widening slightly, as if he was burnt with fire.

"I'm sorry." He choked out. I closed the distance between us, stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his cheek for a long moment, inhaling the familiar sense of his aftershave.

"It's not your fault." I whispered and made a few steps back before turning and walking away, leaving him to stand there by himself. Again.

I entered Megan's room the moment the door opened for me. I had to pretend nothing was going on again, but I knew it was better than staying alone. Staying alone was too dangerous. It would cause me to think a lot and I was too tired of those thoughts already.

"What's up?" Danny asked me as I walked past him into the room.

"Nothing special." Danny came back to his laptop, lazily putting his feet on the coffee table. I walked to the couch and sat next to Megan, who was showing Matt pictures of her son in her camera. They were smiling widely at the sight of the adorable toddler and I joined, hoping to distract myself a little.

A few minutes later there was a knock o the door and Danny let Kris and Adam in. I tried to calm my heart down and not to look at Adam too much. It was crazy how things could change from one day to another. We used to be inseparable and now we were avoiding each other's presence. I watched Adam and Danny send some messages on twitter from where I set and it felt like we were growing apart by the minute. Soon we would be strangers.

***

Passing days formed into a week and then another, but nothing changed. Adam and I were still very distant and people started noticing it and asking questions. Megan, Matt, Anoop, Lil, Danny… 'Did you guys have a fight?' or 'Is something wrong with you and Adam?' or 'What's up with you two?' and dozens of other questions. I knew they were probably asking Adam the same things. I also knew Adam, like me, didn't give them any answers, because they kept asking. Even people who worked with us, from stage men to hairdressers, who were used to see Adam and me together, were throwing confused and surprised glances at us.

They probably also noticed the difference in my behavior. It just wasn't the same and I wasn't such a good actress like Adam, who could pretend nothing had ever happened. Although when our eyes met, on very rare occasions, I could see something strange in them. I couldn't name it exactly, but I knew he missed me too.

The surprising thing was that Kris didn't ask me one single question. He didn't ask what happened or if I was alright, or anything else for that matter. I found it strange and felt almost hurt he didn't care, until once he met my eyes as I stared after Adam and gave me a little smile. It was almost encouraging… And then it clicked. He knew. But of course he did, he and Adam were like best friends, they always talked about everything.

God, I missed my conversations with Adam so much… Just talking about anything, with ease. And I also missed the way we used to goof around with each other and the others. And how we used to enjoy our duet on the stage, having a blast at each and every concert. Of course, we adjusted the situation a little. It wasn't as terrifying anymore, but the awkwardness was still there, as the drive was all gone. I missed everything I used to have with Adam and every day it was only getting worse, instead of being easier.

I wasn't as depressed as I had been those first days after I told him how I felt and everything changed. I was actually participating in conversations and not hiding in my room for most of the day. My smiles were more genuine now, but not quite the same as they used to be. And I could deal with the sight of Adam when it was necessary, though the quickened heartbeats and breathtaking excitement was always there when Adam was. We even exchanged a few words from time to time, obviously only in a croup conversation or as a simple greeting.

Well, all of this was during the day. At nights, when I was alone in my room the misery caught up with me and the thoughts about Adam were inevitable. Sometimes I would cry to exhaustion before falling asleep. And then he was in my dreams. They usually weren't nightmares, like that first dream, but I would always wake up with a strange longing for Adam. It was almost unbearable need to be next to him and it scared me how strong it was. Sometimes I was afraid to sleep in our tour bus, worried I might say Adam's name aloud during one of my dreams and with everyone around it wouldn't be something very exciting.

My mother wasn't visiting as often and didn't stay for long at times she did. She and my dad decided that her work was good enough to keep, apparently. But now I kind of wished they would come more often. It's not like I wanted my family's company only now that I didn't have Adam's. I simply needed to be with someone who was close and loved me to receive some comfort, even if the person had no idea about what was going on. I couldn't explain that feeling for a long time. I couldn't name the way I felt for the last two weeks, but then I finally figured what made me so eager for attention and affection lately. I was lonely. Yes, at night, when I was all by myself, surrounded by all of my friends on the tour and even during concerts, with thousands of people around me – I was lonely.

It made sense, when I thought of it. I mean, I lost my best friend and had to keep distance from him, because he was also the guy I fell in love with, but could never be with. It was a constant torture both to be away from him and to be in the same room with him. There was just no better option in this situation.

At first I hoped that the decision to tell Adam about my feelings would actually help me. I knew I could've never stayed away from Adam without something really strong to keep me away. I could've promise myself to keep some distance a hundred times, but I wouldn't have kept it. After I told him things just couldn't get back to the way they used to be, even if I tried to do something for it. Besides, Adam was sticking with his words, not giving me the chance to get closer. Why was distance a good thing? Because it was my only hope to get over Adam some day. Although the feelings I had for him clearly weren't going away anytime soon. Sadly, they were only letting themselves known even more, tangled with craving for Adam and the pain that went along with all of this.

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Review, please!!!!!

Next chapter is going to be very different from this one and it's in its latest stages of development...


	7. Chapter 7

So, like always, thanks for reading and reviewing. =D

Now, this chapter is a lot longer than the last couple of chapters and also very different from them.

Well, I'm not going to say anything else so not to spoil the fun for you…

Enjoy!

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7 – Pretty dress and high heels

I was standing in front of the long mirror in my hotel room. I was wearing a knee length dress in a deep gray color; it was puffy from the waist down, but very closefitting in the upper part. The outfit was completed with red high heeled shoes, a waist belt and a big red bracelet. I bought that dress for the party after American Idol's finale, but eventually went for another dress, so this one stayed in my closet back home for a few months, until my mom brought it to me last week. She wanted me to wear it for my cousin's birthday and I thought it was too much, honestly, but Megan practically forced me to put it on tonight. Apparently she found the dress too exciting to ignore. Megan also helped me with my makeup and curled my hair. She was definitely more enthusiastic than I was and she wasn't even going with me or anything. Well, Megan will be Megan.

I found my reflection satisfying enough, so I grabbed my purse and left the room. Turning to walk to the elevator I thought about how much I would rather not to go to this party. I knew I wouldn't enjoy it for the most part and as if this wasn't enough, I also had to get up early tomorrow to work in the studio on my album, which wasn't going to be easy after being out late tonight.

The elevator doors opened and I was about to go inside, when I looked up to see Adam standing right in front of me. He walked out and stopped next to me as the doors closed again and the elevator took the other people in it to their destination floors. My heart leapt and sank to my feet, but I tried not to let it be evident on my face. I simply greeted him as if nothing has ever been wrong with my life, as if it wasn't a mess for the last two weeks.

"What's up?" I asked just to show him I was fine with everything. Which actually meant I had to pretend, but who cares?

"Same old. You?" I wished I'd entered the elevator when I had the chance. Now I was stuck with him, waiting for the elevator to return to our floor again, while trying to maintain some kind of a small talk.

"Fine." I answered shortly, tempted to let the sarcasm out.

"Are you going somewhere?" The conversation was so cold and distant I could hardly bare it. It was actually the first time we were talking to each other with nobody else around since the time when he came to my room to talk to me after I told him.

"Yeah, I'm going to my cousin's birthday with my parents. The timing is perfect, because she lives like half an hour from here…" I looked up at him and immediately met his gaze… And then I was really speechless, my heart melting at the sight of his warm beautiful eyes. It seemed like a very long time since I looked into those eyes. And there was something strangely familiar and completely new in them at the same time. I wished I could name it.

"You're stunning." He said in a low voice, not taking his eyes from mine. It felt like my heart was too big for my chest, trying to burst out. Suddenly I was painfully aware of how close from each other we stood. I still couldn't speak as he put a strand of my red hair behind my ear. His touch sent chills down my spine like electricity. The tension was very obvious and building.

I simply couldn't resist it anymore. I wasn't thinking about my actions, I was hardly aware of them, just letting go and following an impulse.

My high heels weren't enough for me to be in eye level with him, so I put a hand on the back of his neck to pull him down to me and kissed his lips gently. It only lasted a few seconds and he didn't kiss me back, though he didn't push me away either. Still, the feeling of his lips on mine was beyond all existing adjectives, it just wasn't something I could describe.

I didn't want to push it, since he wasn't responding, so I stopped the contact, looked deep into his eyes for the shortest second and turned around to walk away, before he could ruin this moment with some kind of a speech about wrong and right. But the moment I was about to take the first step away from him, he caught my hand, spinning me around to face him and before I could think one lousy thought, he was kissing me full on the mouth.

His hands were cupping my face and his lips were caressing mine with such passion that I had only dreamt to experience before. It was as if he hadn't drank for days, or weeks even, and now he simply couldn't get enough to satisfy his thirst. Only it wasn't water he longed for, it was me.

Soon I was breathless and my whole body was heated, almost burning. My head wasn't spinning, my arms weren't limb and I wasn't about to faint. I felt more alive than ever, but I was hungry, hungry for more. It was the most amazing sensation I'd ever experienced. I put my hands against his chest, feeling Adam's heart hammering almost as a response to each of my fastened heartbeats. I wished it would last forever, but it ended pretty soon as he eventually pulled away, breathing unevenly. Well, at least one of us had enough strength to stop.

I heard the elevator open again as Adam dropped his hands from my face, not moving my eyes from him.

"I should go." I whispered, hoping he knew it was the last thing I wanted at the moment.

"Okay." He took a step back and I forced myself to walk into the, fortunately, empty elevator. I looked at him until the doors closed and then let a heavy breath out, leaning back on the wall and closing my eyes. Was it all really happening? Had I really just kissed Adam? Had Adam really kissed me back? Or was I dreaming? What did all of it mean anyway?

Needless to say it was all I could think of for the rest of the night and even the next day, when I didn't get the chance to see him at all. There was a constant felling of excitement present. I had no idea what it all meant or what was going to happen now, but any change was for the better, because nothing could be worse than what I has been for the last couple of weeks. Although I didn't let the forbidden hope to be born in my heart. The hope Adam had a different kind of feelings towards me. It was simply impossible, wasn't it?

***

"Hey," Kris greeted me as he entered the makeup room and sat on one of the chairs. I smiled back and kept staring at the doorway. I was still sitting in my place, even though I've had my makeup done already, waiting for Adam to come in. I went to his room earlier that day, but he wasn't there. He was nowhere to be found at all. Was he going to show up for the concert at least? I mean, he had to, right?

"Kris," I turned to look at him suddenly.

"Mmm..?" He answered as Sandy started her work on him.

"Did you see Adam today?" The hell with everything. I didn't care what he was going to think. He probably knew everything anyway.

"No." Kris said slowly, turning to look at me with curiosity and concern in his eyes.

"Oh, okay." I tried to sound casual, but he kept his eyes on me for another long moment before turning his face back to Sandy.

"Why?" He asked.

"Just wondering where he is." I shrugged. "I mean, we have a concert in one hour and he didn't show up yet. And he still has to get the makeup and hair…"

"Yeah, weird." I had a feeling Kris knew more than he let me know. Maybe it was time to ask him… But Sandy was still in the room.

"I'm gonna go dress up." I told him and got up.

"Okay." I knew he looked at me, I could practically feel his gaze on my back as I left the room. How much did he know exactly? I wished I knew.

I looked over my shoulder at a noisy sound from behind. Some stage device fell from its stand and a lot of stage workers gathered around it… And I wasn't looking where I was going, so obviously I bumped into someone. I looked forward, ready to apologize, but as I saw who was standing in front of me, I forgot all of the words excising in the English language for a moment. Adam. I wasn't even surprised, of course it was him.

He had no makeup on, at all; his eyes were slightly red and had dark shadows under them. He clearly hasn't gotten a lot of sleep lately and his expression was horribly tired. It wasn't something I'd thought I would ever say about Adam Lambert, but honestly, he looked like hell. Did I cause all of this?

I took his hand and pulled him to the nearest dressing room without saying a word. Fortunately, there was no one inside, so for lack of better options, it worked fine. Adam just followed me obediently and when I turned around to face him again, he wasn't looking at me. I put a hand on his cheek tenderly, still having a hard time believing Adam could look so… miserable.

"Adam…" I whispered eventually. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "What's going on?" I asked when he remained silent.

"Oh, so now you want to talk about it." Adam joked, but the carved form of his lips was too sad to be called a smile.

"Yeah, now it has a point." He opened his eyes to look at me.

"What point exactly?"

"Why did you kiss me, Adam?" I asked instead of answering his question.

"I wish I knew…" I took my hand off of his face but kept my eyes on him.

"So what, you did it just because you felt sorry for me?" Well, if he did, pity was an amazing feeling, I'm telling you.

"Of course not!" He frowned, as if not believing I was offering this possibility. I didn't really mean it; I just wanted to get him talking.

"Then why? Are you going to tell me it was just because I had a pretty dress and high heels on? It's not like it was the first time you've seen me like that."

"It was the first time I couldn't help myself." He said quietly.

"What?" I breathed out. He was silent again. "What does it mean, Adam?" I pressed.

"I think you know what it all means." Adam kept the eye contact, his piercing gaze filled with emotion.

"Since when?" My voice trembled and I couldn't keep it louder than a whisper.

"I don't know."

"Before I told you?" He smirked a little bitterly.

"Long before." My heart was beating so powerfully and quickly that it was almost painful.

"Then why didn't you say anything? Not even when I told you..." It was almost funny how we led the conversation without really saying aloud the most important things. And still, we understood each other perfectly.

"Because I thought I could handle it. I thought I was stronger." He sighed. "But then you told me and it… caught me off guard."

"Was it that shocking? Haven't you considered the possibility I felt something more than friendship even once?"

"I really tried to avoid thinking about it." He admitted. "But I've never even imagined you would come and tell me something like this. And when you did, I hoped it wasn't what you believed it to be. I wanted to convince both of us you were only confused…" He trailed off and there was a long silence, filling the room with tension. "I swore to myself I would keep a distance and try to make it easier for you… But it was _so_ hard to do. I missed you all the time and when I saw you Sunday night…" He swallowed hard. "I couldn't bare it… I…" I think it was the first time I've seen him straggle so much with words. "And then you kissed me." He paused for a moment and I felt my heart threatening to break my ribs. "You can't possibly imagine the battle in my head… It was just too much. I broke."

"Thank God you did." I whispered and the next moment I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his head down to kiss him with all the emotion and love I had in me. And I had _a lot_ of those in me. To my surprise, Adam responded to the kiss instantly and soon I felt his hands in my hair.

"This is so wrong…" Adam breathed out, pulling away finally. "I can't do this, Allie."

"Adam, stop thinking about what makes sense, just be yourself."

"Who am I, Allie? A sick pervert who'll end up hurting people by satisfying his wants? Or just a crazy guy who fell for the wrong person?" Well, at least he finally said the words… I wasn't sure if it was pain or joy in my heart.

"The wrong person?" I repeated quietly.

"Wrong for me. I am wrong for you, Allie, you know it. So wrong…" He closed his eyes as I stoked the side of his face with my fingers again.

"Age is only a number, Adam. A number we never cared about anyway."

"It's not only age, Allie. There is so much…" He trailed of, sighing heavily. "You deserve so much more." I wasn't sure I deserved him, let alone something more… Was there more at all? I was pretty sure better than Adam didn't exist and probably never will. Well, at least for me.

"Don't I deserve what I want?"

"You don't know what you want." Adam said, opening his eyes. I dropped my hand.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, because you don't know what's best for you."

"And you do?" I was already getting angry.

"Yes, I do. You should be with someone your age, someone perfect for you, who will be able to make you very, very happy. Someone who can experience things with you as a normal teenager."

"What if it's not what I want?" I tried to swallow my tears back. Did he really think I could be happy without him?

"Then you really don't know what's good for you."

"And what do_ you _want?"

"What I want doesn't matter. I don't have the right to want it, because what I want is criminal and sinful." It was such a bittersweet feeling to it. On the one hand, I was content and felt sweet pleasure that he really cared about me and I meant a lot to him. However, on the other hand, there was bitter, torturing, almost physical pain at the realization of how deeply he was convinced and certain we couldn't be together.

"Since when do you care about sins?" I challenged, as if it wasn't hard enough for both of us already.

"Since they involve you." We stared at each other's eyes for a long time, in total silence. "You mean the world to me, Allison. And what's best for you is so much more important than what I want or need."

By that point both of us were crying, but we didn't take our eyes from each other. I had a hard time believing his feelings for me were so deep and strong, even though his voice was so sweet and genuine and his eyes practically mirrored every emotion in him. I felt pain because of how tortured and guilty he seemed, but at the same time strangely joyful, because I knew for sure now how he felt. He loved me. He truly did.

"Adam, I know the best and the worst of you. I know _you_. And I love every little detail about you. I love the fact you're imperfect and I love how close you are to perfection. I don't care about the age or about the past. All I care about is you. And I know I'll be the happiest with you." I hadn't suspected I was capable of such dramatic speeches… But I meant every damn word I've said.

"This is crazy… It's going to be so hard and if people know about it…"

"I don't care what people think." My heart squeezed with excitement. Did he just say 'it's _going_ to be'?

"I don't either. I really don't. I just don't want to ruin your life." I smiled at him warmly.

"You're not going to ruin my life, Adam. Maybe it doesn't work out and though it will hurt like hell, at least we will know we've tried. I think it's better than living with doubts and 'what if's. We tried to stay away from each other, but we just keep being drawn to each other, don't we? I want to be with you and I'm ready to deal with the difficulties." Frankly, I didn't care about any difficulties as long as he was around. No, as long as we were together. "It's up to you." He was silent for an entire second, that seemed to last an eternity to me.

"We're crazy." Adam breathed out at last. It took me a moment to register the information in my mind, but when the meaning hit me I couldn't prevent a smile from forming on my lips.

"We are?" I asked carefully, not stopping smiling.

"Absolutely." He chuckled and I could see the usual light in his eyes before he pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek to his chest. It felt simply fantastic, perfectly right and satisfying. I could so easily believe it was all a dream. An unbelievably pleasant dream. A dream I wished that would last forever.

"Is this real?" Damn it, did I have to ask? And what if it wasn't? I couldn't imagine how I would survive that. I felt Adam's chest shake as he chuckled.

"I think so." He kissed the top of my head and I looked up at him. He smiled at me contently and I couldn't have felt any happier. I was drowning in his crystal-blue eyes and he was leaning down slowly when we heard a sudden music play and both jumped with surprise.

"Oh, God, it's my cell phone." I tried to steady my breathing as I pulled the ringing phone out of my pocket. "It's Kris." I said and hit the answer button. "Hey, Kris." I hoped I didn't sound too cheerful.

"Where are you? Michael's on the stage already and Adam's not answering anybody's calls." Wow, Kris sounded worried. That was something new.

"I'll be there in a minute." I said, looking up at Adam. My heart went crazy just looking at him and knowing he was mine. I still couldn't wrap my mind around it. "And I found Adam."

"Oh," I heard from the other side of the line. Kris probably already put everything together. "Okay. Is he alright?"

"Yeah, kind of." He still looked completely exhausted. "We're on the way." I told Kris and hung up. "Let's go." Adam nodded and put his arm around my shoulders, walking to the door. "Have you slept at all those couple of days?"

"Not really." He admitted, still smiling a little. I sighed.

"Are you gonna survive this concert?"

"I have to. Don't worry; I'll be fine on the stage with music and screaming fans all around."

"And bras." I added jokingly.

"And bras." He agreed with a chuckle before we entered the makeup room again. Everybody who was there stared at us and when I looked at Adam, I saw his smile disappeared without a trace.

"You look like hell, man." Matt pointed out.

"I thought the same thing." I admitted. I saw Kris looking at us in a completely different way from the others.

"Thanks, guys. I appreciate it." Adam said sarcastically, but managed to keep it light.

"Where have you been?" Megan asked him worriedly.

"I had a family emergency." He set down on a chair and Sandy immediately got to work on him.

"Something bad?" Megan frowned.

"Nothing serious, don't worry." Damn, he was an amazing actor.

"Megan, get ready!" We heard from the hallway.

"You could've answered our calls, we were worried sick!" Lil scolded, but Adam wasn't looking at her. I fallowed his gaze and it was directed straight into Kris' eyes. It seemed they were having some kind of conversation with those meaningful looks. So now they could understand each other without words?

"Allison, why aren't you dressed yet?!" I didn't respond to the producer at first, taking another moment to look at Adam, the happiness filling my chest with excitement.

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This chapter is very important, as you can tell, for the plot, so I would really appreciate some opinions about it… So please, tell me what you thought about it.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey everybody!

Thank you very much for reading and for the amazing reviews!

I hope you like it...

Enjoy!

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8 – Insane, completely insane

"Okay, bye." Adam shut his cell phone and put it in his pocket. "Kris says 'hi' and Katy sends kisses." He informed me and I smiled back at him. We were hanging out in my room one morning before the concert, which meant we were lying on my bed, doing nothing in particular. Last week has been amazing. Well, beyond amazing. I don't think there are words that can describe the last several days and what they meant to me. The best I've ever had, especially after those two hideous weeks without Adam… It was like a rain after a long, long drought.

We spent every free hour together, even more than we had when we were friends. Of course, we still had to hide and be very discreet around people. So we didn't show too much affection with anyone around. Well, not more than they were used to see from us. As far as they knew, we just had a 'disagreement' and after we talked things through last week, everything was back to normal and we were best friends again. What can I say? Adam is a great actor, so he took care of it. And as for me, I was completely happy, no matter what we had to tell everybody around. Even though sometimes I did wish I could share my joy with someone. And I also felt quite guilty for lying to my friends, although I was already kind of used to keep a secret from everybody. And I mean _everybody_. It was actually easier now, for the obvious reasons, but now there was more to hide…

"Kris knows everything, doesn't he?" I wondered why I hadn't asked him before.

"Pretty much." Adam nodded. He smiled his gorgeous smile and I could barely breathe again. I don't think I would ever get used to it. "He's my best friend. I tell him everything."

"I thought I was your best friend." I frowned, not really upset.

"I think you're a little bit more than that." He pointed out and leaned down to give me a light peck on the lips.

"True…" I smiled lazily and happily.

"Besides, he knew long before I did." I looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"He noticed there was something going on between us, aside from friendship."

"You mean before you told him?" Adam chuckled at that.

"No, before I even knew I had feelings for you. And Katy kept saying we should talk about it, because she was sure you felt about me the same way. Apparently she had been right from the beginning."

"What?!" My eyes widened in shock. "Katy knows too?"

"Oh, yeah, she does. No one even needed to tell her, she guessed by herself."

"Wow." I couldn't believe it. It was kind of embarrassing, how both of them knew so much about my feelings without me even noticing it. So many misunderstood looks Katy's probably given me… "So all of this time, when you were talking to her…" I trailed off, unsure I got it right.

"Yes, most of the serious stuff was about you." I felt my heart flutter pleasantly. He'd been talking about me… "You and Kris."

"Kris?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Yeah. You think I'm the only one who wants to talk to someone from time to time?" Adam asked teasingly and I laughed.

"That must've been weird. I mean, because they're both your friends and both are telling you stuff…" I put my head on his chest and pressed my body even tighter to him as he slid his arm around me.

"No, not really. Most of the time it's great to talk to both of them."

"I can't believe it!" I hit him lightly on the shoulder. "You had two people to talk to the whole time and I was living with the fear I would explode eventually, if I don't tell anybody!" I threw my hands in the air. "Just great!" Adam laughed and rolled over to plant kisses all over my face.

"I'm sorry it's been so hard on you." He said in a low voice, his face hovering over mine.

"It's okay; it wasn't easy for you either." I beamed at him. "Besides, now everything is perfect." It really did feel perfect in our privet little world. It was like a bubble of our own, just like when we were performing together, only better. I was completely oblivious to everything around us when we were together. Seriously, if the world outside my room would come to end, I wouldn't notice. But honestly, could you blame me?

"Yeah, I just wish you didn't have to go through all of the scandals… People are talking, you know." Adam sighed and looked away for a moment with a thoughtful expression across hid gorgeous face.

"Yep, Adison all the way." I joked. I simply didn't want to think about it. It wasn't important enough to ruin the moment for me. "Forget about people." I ordered and pulled him down to me by his shirt. Adam fixed his eyes on mine again.

"This I can do…" He closed the distance between our lips and all worries were pushed away for the nearest future.

***

"Hey, guys!" I entered Adam's room as he let me in, kissing my cheek.

"Hey, sunshine." Adam beamed at me. Kris was sitting in the armchair, so I fell on the couch, stretching my legs to its length.

"Hi." Kris replied in his laid-back manner. Adam sat sown on the couch beside me, putting my feet in his lap. Kris was the only one we could act freely around, but we didn't exactly do anything too personal in front of him either. I don't know why. Maybe we felt we were making him uncomfortable enough about knowing something no one else around did. He was practically forced to lie for us as it was, he didn't need to see things he didn't really want to.

"Is your mom coming tonight?" Adam asked me.

"I think so. Maybe my sister comes again too." I answered, grabbing the bag of chips from Kris' hand.

"Katy's not coming tonight. Again." Kris sighed. It's been almost two weeks since they saw each other and it was beginning to get to him. He was getting more frustrated by the hour and I could totally relate to it. The weeks I was away from Adam had been a real torture and I was actually able to see him once in a while. Which wasn't very easy either. But Kris didn't even get to see his wife for those days and I could imagine how long they felt to him.

"Work?" Adam asked.

"Yeah. I wish she would just quit, but I know it's not fair to her. She deserves her independency."

"Even though her husband is American Idol winner." I added to lighten up the mood. "And earns tones of money now."

"Yeah, you see? Being American Idol winner sucks!" We both laughed with Kris. "I'm going on tour, so I can't see my wife, but with all of the financial benefits, she still can't quit her job and come with me."

"Oh, just so you know, even we – the losers – get the same fate." We knew Adam was just kidding and the great thing about him was that he always knew the right thing to say without hurting anybody's feelings, but still being funny. Well, there are a lot of great things about Adam Lambert.

"Don't get me started, you two." Kris warned us, still smiling slightly. "You can't complain! You don't even have time to miss each other, because you spend every single second together."

"Well, there are always nights and showers and dressing…" Adam recited jokingly.

"And that's the time I don't see you either. So to me you're too inseparable to be normal or human at all." Kris answered.

"You noticed?" I asked sarcastically as Adam chuckled. He didn't seem one bit annoyed or ashamed by Kris' teasing. Not that it bothered me really.

"Oh, believe me I tried not to." My eyes widened in shock, but he hurried to calm me as soon as he saw the expression on my face. "I'm just kidding. Don't worry, nobody suspects anything." He assured me.

"It's almost ironic how people make up things about us without even knowing how close they were to the truth." Adam pointed out. A long silence filled the room, then Kris picked up his guitar and started playing some accords quietly.

***

"Guys, say hello or something!" Michael was pointing a camera on each one of us, making another video of his. We were all walking to our dressing rooms at the backstage before one of our concerts.

Adam's face practically touched the camera as he yelled "Helloooo!", cheerfully and loudly enough to make Michael lean back.

"Looks like everything's the same with Adam." He said, turning the camera to himself. "Shining and screaming as usual." He joked and pointed the camera at me. I made a goofy face and lifted my thumbs up, but before I got to say something, I saw Adam's expression change for the shortest moment, before turning back to normal as he looked at some magazine he was holding. It was barely noticeable, but I knew him too well. I walked up to him and looked at the headline of the page he was looking at. It read_ 'Too much chemistry for their own good.'_ with a following picture of Adam and me hugging after one of our performances.

I didn't say a word as he dropped the magazine into the nearest trash can. Actually, I decided not to mention it at all and just ignore the rumors. Most of them weren't true, except for our feelings, and our fans were doing a great job themselves, adding spice to the media's hard work. I knew it was bothering Adam, mostly because of me and some ridiculously idiotic guilt. So I just dropped it, but Adam had to bring it up himself after the show that night.

"The rumors are getting pretty bad." He said and we both knew which rumors exactly he was referring to. "If we don't do something soon it can get pretty ugly."

"I don't care. It's their problem, not ours. I mean, what can they do?"

"Allie, I can go to prison for this." He pointed at my hand in his as I laced my fingers with his.

"Come on, it's not like we're doing something illegal!" I frowned childishly.

"Last time I checked dating a minor was illegal. Well, at least for a twenty seven year old guy." He chuckled.

"Man, laws suck!" I complained jokingly and he laughed in response.

"Not that we'd really given them much of a thought… We pretty much broke all the rules by now."

"No we didn't. Who decided what's right and what's wrong? It's not like I'm a ten year old girl and you are some kind of a sick maniac!"

"Maybe I am…" His eyes widened and then narrowed as he faked a dangerous look. I ignored it, though I could barely hold back a laugh.

"Really, what can a few months change? 'Cause after I turn eighteen there will be no problems. At least not legal ones."

"I know, but that's not up to us. We just have to deal with it."

"How?" I moaned. This situation was so frustrating. "If I were twenty and you were thirty nobody would've given a damn, even though it's the same age difference and it's only three years away from us…"

"Again, you're right, but there's nothing we can do about it. What we have to worry about now it's getting to your birthday safely, without anybody finding out something about us." I giggled at the way he put it, but couldn't disagree.

"But what can we do? I'm not doing that distance/space thing again." I stated firmly. Adam kissed my hand reassuringly before speaking.

"Me neither, but I'm not going to put you through some kind of investigation in case somebody finds out. And you know it's totally possible they will find out soon, the way we behave and treat each other. People notice and people talk. More than that, people sometimes tell things that never happened. Gossips are so much more powerful than we'd like to think."

"It's not a problem to prove… things didn't happen." It was his turn to laugh about the way I phrased it.

"Yes, but it's still very unpleasant to be obligated to prove something like this. It will be a major scandal, a controversy around us bigger than we ever knew. We'll always be under some kind of supervision… I want to protect you from all of this. Both of us."

"But how? It's not like now we're running around the streets and screaming we're together or even kissing in public. Can we be _more_ careful?"

"I don't think so." I studied his face as he looked down.

"You have an idea, don't you?" I guessed. I knew Adam and I could read him by now pretty well. He couldn't fool me even if he tried to. "What's the plan? Spill it." I wondered if I should be afraid; by the look on his face, it couldn't be good.

"I'm going to come out." I stared at him like an idiot for a long moment. The words didn't make sense.

"Where?" I finally asked.

"I'm going to come out as gay." He clarified.

"What?!"

"Everybody will think I'm gay and that you're just like a little sister to me, so they won't suspect of the truth. Problem solved. The controversy has always been there, everybody's still wondering whether I'm gay or not. I never gave a definite answer."

"Okay…" I tried to overcome the shock. "Let's say you do that. And we get to my birthday safely. And nobody finds out. What do we do next? We can't hide for the rest of our lives. Or at least for the rest of our relationship." Adam gave me an unpleased look, as he always did when I said something like this. The truth was that I still straggled to believe what we had would last. Of course, not because I didn't want it to last or because I thought my feelings for him would ever change. It's just that I kind of kept thinking that one day he will find someone so much better than me and… Well, this part was too frighteningly horrible to even consider, though deep down inside I knew the chances it would happen were rather high.

"I don't know. I'll say I'm bi-curious or something. Not quite as dangerous for us as bisexual and good enough to leave an open door." He suggested.

"It's gonna be crazy when we announce we're together in a few months!"

"Not as crazy as it would be if they know about it now."

"I know you like it when people talk about you, but –"

"For the right reasons. I don't like it when it gets to my personal life."

"Are you seriously ready to go through all of this trouble?"

"I'm ready if you are." He leaned closer to me.

"You're willing to lie for the rest of your life about something like this?"

"I'll do anything for you." Then he planted a kiss on my lips and there was nothing else to say anymore. I knew the discussion was closed, because I knew Adam. There was absolutely nothing that could stop him from doing what's on his mind. Well, maybe I could, but I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"You're insane." I whispered when we broke the kiss apart.

"Tell me something the rest of the world doesn't know." Adam chuckled.

"I love you." I replied easily. He laughed again and wrapped me in his arms. I couldn't imagine anything better in life. Who needed heaven, when I had paradise already on earth?

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Soooo.... Tell me, tell me, tell me! What do you think?.. :D


	9. Chapter 9

9 – Lies, tears and the end

I was standing on the balcony of Adam's hotel room, breathing in the fresh air, lost in thoughts. I was thinking about all that's happened since my audition for American Idol. My whole life had changed since then and in some ways, so did I. Mostly, there were positive changes and anything that wasn't very good, was easily overshadowed by the happiness I experienced. The happiness I was still experiencing.

I also thought about the future. It was both exciting and intimidating. I had no idea what was awaiting for me, but it couldn't be too horrible as long as I had Adam with me. Even though I was pretty worried about our plan and how it would turn out. I mean, it wasn't just a risk we were taking to try to make everything better; it was a matter of life and death for us. We were playing with fire there, walking on the edge and daring fate. One step slightly off and everything would be lost. _Over_. Really, I'm not being overdramatic; I honestly couldn't imagine my life without Adam anymore.

Suddenly I felt Adam's arms wrap around my waist from behind. I leant back against him, laying my head back on his chest. It felt perfect.

"Hey," He whispered and kissed the side of my face ever so gently.

"Hey," I responded and closed my eyes, sighing contently.

"Today's show was fun, wasn't it?" He chuckled with me at the memory.

"Yeah, you got a lot of souvenirs." I teased.

"Oh, stop it. I didn't mean that…" I could feel him breathe in deeply, almost touching my skin with his nose.

"I know." I smiled, with my eyes still closed. "It was great. Every concert is great, especially now. Well, for me at least."

"For me too." He kissed my temple, leaving his warm lips on my skin for a while. "You were amazing, as always."

"Do I need to tell you how absolutely incredible you are?" My heart skipped a beat just thinking about it.

"Sure! You know how much I love complements." I laughed and turned around to look at him.

"You take my breath away." A said seriously, looking into his eyes. "As well as the breath of half of the nation." I added. He chuckled and cupped my face in his hands.

"But you're the only one who really matters to me." He pulled me to him, putting his hands around my body again. "I made the arrangements." Adam said suddenly. "With 'Rolling Stone'. I'm gonna do an exposure interview. They were thrilled about my request."

"When?" My voice broke at the word.

"Tomorrow. Interview and photo shoots." He replied quietly.

"You don't have to do this." I told him. I felt awfully guilty he had to go through something like that because of me.

"It's worth the price."

"Are you sure it is?" I took a step back to look at him. "I mean, it's something you're gonna have to lie about your whole life."

"So people will think I like dudes, so what?" His tone wasn't half as serious as mine.

"It's gonna be awful when –"

"More than it already is?" He raised his eyebrows. "People will always talk, Allie, they'll always find something to gossip about."

"What about our families and friends?"

"Some people have to know, but we'll keep the number minimal." It seemed he had an answer to any question I offered him.

"You're trying to make it sound easier than it is." I accused.

"No," He protested. "You're trying to make it sound harder than it is."

"It's just…" I failed to find the suitable words to say what was on my mind. "I don't know. I feel you have too much to sacrifice for me." I sighed and looked away from his, my eyes filling with tears.

"Allie, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you." I fixed my gaze on Adam again; his smile was as sweet and genuine as always, but it was very hard to believe he was telling the truth. It was too good to be real.

"Why?" My voice was trembling with tears.

"Come here," Adam took my hand and towed me inside. He sat on the bed and pulled me into his lap, before holding my face between the palms of his hands and looking deep into my eyes. "I don't think you realize something." He stroked my cheek lightly with his fingers, which caused my skin to tingle slightly. "But I guess it's my fault, because I've never actually said it. Well, as always."

"Said what?" I asked as Adam's fingers traced the shape of my jaw. What did I miss again? Was there something else I didn't know?

"Allie, I love you." His voice was so deep and full of emotion as he said those words, that it took my breath away. My heart was pounding insanely in my chest as I looked at him with wide eyes. "I love you so, so much." He bit his bottom lip. "I love you more than I thought was possible and I'll do anything to make you happy." Adam spoke quietly, but confidently, piercing me with his azure mesmerizing eyes.

"I love you too." I barely had time to whisper this, before our lips for a long, sweet and hot kiss. His arms slid around me, pressing my body to his as I felt the heat spreading inside of me. I wondered what I've done in my life, to deserve so much happiness, but soon all thoughts were erased from my mind.

***

"Allie," I was almost sure I've heard my name, but couldn't tell whether I was still dreaming or not. "Allie, sweetie, wake up." Okay, now I was sure it wasn't a dream. I was about to tell my mom to give me a few more minutes, when I realized it wasn't my mom's voice. It was Adam's. My eyes flew open.

"Huh..?" I blinked in confusion. It was completely dark around us.

"You have to go back to your room, baby." Adam whispered to me.

"Why?" I still couldn't think straight.

"Because if anybody sees you leaving my room in the morning it won't be too good." He explained patiently, but I could hear a smile in his voice.

"Oh," I said sleepily. "Oh!" It finally hit me and I set up at once. "What time is it?" I heard Adam's quiet laugh in the darkness.

"Almost four. Come on, sweetie. Do you want me to carry you?"

"I can walk, Adam." I laughed, feeling something warm on my neck. His lips. God, he was making it harder to leave, as if it wasn't difficult enough.

"I'll walk you." My eyes adjusted to the dark a little bit as I got off of the bed.

"I don't even remember when I fell asleep. I hope it wasn't in the middle of something you were saying." I stretched my arms up.

"Oh, no, it was in the middle of something you were saying." I hit him playfully with my hand, though I wasn't sure if it was his shoulder, back or chest in the dark. "Kidding. I just woke up myself."

"Good thing you did." Adam opened the door and the hallway light blinded me for a few seconds.

"Yeah. It would've been a disaster if somebody saw you go out of my room in the morning." We both chuckled, although it was completely true and not funny at all.

"And then everybody finds out you're actually gay." I whispered as we stopped in front of the door to my room and we laughed in hushed voices. "Good luck tomorrow. I mean today."

"Thanks, Allie. But don't you worry about it; it's the right thing to do." He assured me.

"How come the right thing is so wrong?" I was only half joking. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Sure." He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and hurried back to his room as I entered mine.

***

I was watching TV in another of my hotel rooms when I finally heard the knock on the door I've been waiting for. I jumped on my feet and ran to let Adam in. As soon as he was inside the room, with the door closed behind him, I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Hi, baby." He kissed my lips, hugging me tightly to his body. "I just got here."

"Wow, it took long." We walked to the sofa and he sat down.

"Yeah, it took a while, but everything's ready. I just didn't want to go again, so I preferred to finish this already. I don't have time to for this."

"No, you don't." I walked to the mini-fridge in the corner of the room to get a bottle of water for him. "Thirsty?"

"Sure." Adam took the bottle from me as I walked around the couch to stand behind him. "They're gonna do a little promo, but it should be out next week. I can't wait to see how the guys will react." He chuckled.

"So how was it?" I asked, starting to massage his shoulders. He seemed very tense, which wasn't something normal for him. It was understandable, though. It's been a long day for him, mostly a day of lies.

"It was… Well, let's say it tested my acting skills." I knew he would've said more, if he wanted to talk about it, so I just kept changing the pressure from his shoulders to his neck and back to the shoulders, then to his upper arms. I didn't know if I was any good at it, but he seemed to like it. After a little while he sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes and then caught one of my hands and brought it to his lips.

"It's gonna be fine." I promised. Somehow, I didn't doubt it anymore.

"I know." He smiled and opened his eyes, looking up at me.

***

"Stay here tonight." I offered, though it sounded more like a request. Adam and I haven't seen each other for two days while we were both busy with our records. Now we finally had a couple of hours together after the show that night.

"I can't, baby, you know I can't." Adam replied between kisses.

"Oh, come on, what's the big deal?" I refused to let go of his neck, pulling him back to me.

"Let's just say it can have bad consequences."

"But you're gay, aren't you?" I teased. "What can possibly happen between the two of us?"

"I'm bi-curious, remember?" He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "Besides, I'm not made of steel. Goodnight, sweetie." He opened the door, without turning away from me, threw a look over his shoulder to make sure there was no one in the hallway and planted a kiss on my lips, before hurrying back to his room.

I sighed and closed the door. His interview was published yesterday and everybody was going wild at the news, except Kris and Katy, who were aware of the truth and the reason behind the lie. As well as Adam's parents and brother that were informed of everything. Adam refused to tell me how they reacted, he just concluded it as "They understand.", although I had a feeling they weren't very excited about the whole situation. Not that they could be blamed. I just hoped they wouldn't hate me. Too much…

My own parents were innocently convinced that Adam had truly finally came out. They weren't very surprised, nor did they really care about his romantic preferences. If only they knew who his real romantic interest was… Well, I actually hoped they would know one day.

As to our friends… Most of them tried to act normally and not make a big deal out of it, but their behavior slightly gave them away. I'm not saying they were surprised, everybody saw the pictures of Adam and the other guy, but to guess something is one thing and knowing this for sure is an entirely different thing.

"Kris," I said in a low voice one afternoon when we were sitting in the makeup room, slightly away from Adam, Lil and Anoop, who were chatting loudly about something. Kris turned his attention to me. "I'm sorry you have to lie for us." I wanted him to know we weren't taking this for granted, although I was sure Adam already thanked him many times.

"It's okay." Kris smiled slightly. "You know, if Adam had really been gay, I wouldn't have cared, so I'm not lying. Much." I pressed my lips together to hold back a laugh.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"No problem. I just hope it works."

"It already does. No one questioned the news. The photos did their job, so nobody's surprised."

"Yeah, we'll see how surprised they will be when you drop the bomb."

"Don't worry; it's not gonna happen for next few months." I wore an unpleased expression for a second and he chuckled. "Kris?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know about us?" I didn't bother to explain farther, I knew he understood.

"It wasn't hard to notice for someone who knows you two so well." He shrugged. "Besides, every girl has a crush on Adam, one way or another." I smirked at this comment. I couldn't disagree.

"Yeah, only for me it's not a crush." I looked in the direction of the chatting group, paying attention only to one person. "I'm so past that… I love him."

***

It was the last time we were performing on the American Idol tour and each and every one of us gave everything, singing with all they had. We all wanted this concert to be as perfect as possible and definitely unforgettable. Although I'm pretty sure that there is nothing that could erase this tour from our memories.

After finishing my set of songs, I was watching Adam perform '_Whole Lotta Love'_ from the dark side of the stage, where no one could see me. Halfway through the song I was already on fire, barely able to wait until he would finish his set for the night to be alone with him. It always happened to me. Ever since the first time I saw him perform in the concert, without me on the stage, I've been trying to get ready for our duet as fast as I could while Danny performed. Then I hid in some dark corner of the stage to watch him. It wasn't a problem for me to see most of the performances; I even got to see Danny a few times before getting in trouble for not being ready in time. They all were great in their own ways, but it wasn't anything I hadn't seen before. Adam, on the other hand, was very different. Different from others, different from himself on the show, different from concert to concert. Well, it might've had something to do with the fact it was Adam. And I wasn't the most objective person when it came to Adam.

It was also like I was torturing myself, consciously. Watching him like that and knowing I wouldn't be able to be alone with him until we got back to the hotel, which was hours away. Not that when we were alone I could do what I wanted to while I watched him perform...

It took me a while to learn to control myself after watching him sing. That first time I could barely sing at first; I was _so_ distracted and my voice came out huskier than ever. Now I could get a grip on myself during his second song and concentrate by the time we sang together.

And then I watched Adam do his medley and the whole 'control and focus' thing went to waste. Every time… And I loved it.

What surprised me was that my mom had never said anything about his shameless, provocative and almost outrageous behavior on stage. Not after that first time just before the tour started. There were two possibilities: either she liked Adam too much as a person to say something, or she actually enjoyed the sensual and blatant performances herself and not only because of the voice. I must admit, the second option was a little disturbing, considering the fact that she's my mom and he's my boyfriend.

Of course, my mom certainly wasn't on my mind when I performed _'Slow Ride'_ with Adam for the last time on American Idol tour. My heart was too fast to count its beats, the adrenalin boiled in my blood and there was no one else there except Adam and me. I could barely hear the audience screaming, though I knew there were thousands of noisy and excited fans all around. I was looking into Adam's eyes most of the time and I knew he felt the same way as I did. We had as much fun as always, maybe even more, as we allowed ourselves to change the lyrics more than we usually did and to be closer to each other than we've ever been on stage. At the end, Adam held me a little longer than necessary, refusing to let go and when he was sure it was too dark for anyone to see, he kissed me on the lips shortly, but sweetly.

It was almost impossible to believe, but that was it, the end. The end of _'Slow Ride'_ for the last time; the end of the concert; the end of the live tour; the end of American Idol Season Eight, officially. The end of a chapter in my life and the lives of the other idols. But it was a new beginning for us at the same time. And it couldn't have turned out better for me.

During the _'Don't stop believing'_ performance practically everybody had tears in their eyes, which was making it harder to sing. My own tears were streaming down my face and I was breathless, looking at the seemingly endless audience, which sang along with us. And I was smiling through the tears, widely and joyfully. It was almost too overwhelming to bear and at some point I was sure my heart would explode from too many too powerful emotions.

We were all hugging and dancing with each other, celebrating on stage the official end of American Idol tour with loads of excitement and mixing feelings, then got off the stage, which happened to be harder than I'd ever imagined. It was both the longest and the shortest concert I've experienced, as it seemed to go on forever, but ended too soon. Well, I wasn't too sad to see the tour come to a closure, because I knew I had great things ahead of me to anticipate and be excited about. Both in the distant and the nearest future.

At the backstage, everyone was busy with celebration, still unable to believe it was all over; champagne and tears were streaming freely everywhere, along with hugs and laughs all around. There was too much fuss and noise there for anyone to notice how I pulled Adam to an empty dressing room. _Finally_, we were alone. Kind of. Well, who cared or even thought about the dozens of people on the other side of the wall? Our lips met the moment the door closed behind us and haven't unlocked for a long, long time...


	10. Chapter 10

Hey everybody!

Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! =D

This chapter took longer than usual, but eventually here it is! I hope it was worth the wait.

Enjoy!

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10 – It's called love

I heard the familiar sound of an incoming message of my cell phone. I reached the device and happily opened the message, already knowing who sent it.

'_Can't wait 2 c u!'_ I read and an uncontrollable smile spread across my lips.

'_Me 2. Bored?'_ I texted back.

'_Never. Just miss u.'_ My smile widened a little.

"Is this who I think it is?" Jess pulled me from my thoughts back to reality.

"Huh?" I looked up at her as she sat next to me on my bed.

"It's that guy who was hitting on you when we were shopping the other day, right?" She moved her brows suggestively.

"Um… Yeah." I couldn't even remember that guy's name. But Jess didn't know anything about Adam and me, so I let her think what she wanted to.

"So how's this going?"

"Fine." I shrugged and wished she would drop it.

"It seems to go pretty well." But it was Jess; of course she didn't drop it. "You're practically glowing lately. Always this smile…I don't even know how to call this." Actually it was called love. But I didn't tell her that. "Are you going out with him?"

"No, Jess. Listen, tomorrow I have photo shoots whole day, but I'm free for the weekend. Do you want to do something?" Of course, I was trying to distract her. And I didn't have plans for the weekend because Adam was going to be away, visiting his family. At least we were going to see each other tonight, which was pretty comforting.

"Wow, it's the first free weekend in a while." She said. Well, what can I say? Adam was my first priority to spend my free time with. Only not many people knew about it. Not many at all… "We have to do something special."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Let's go clubbing or something."

"Jess, I'm still a minor, if you remember." And I wished I weren't so badly! It could've been so much easier. Why wasn't I born in November or something? This way I would've been already eighteen by now, which solved so many problems. But no, I had to be born in April, which left Adam and me almost four more months to hide and lie.

"But you're a celebrity; you can enter any club without an ID even." Jess insisted.

"It's even worse! Because everybody will know about it. Everything I do is under the supervision of the paparazzi." Ironic, wasn't it? They knew my every step, but missed the most juicy and scandalous secret.

"You're no fun!" I threw a pillow in her face and she laughed. "What point is it to be a rock star if you can't use the benefits?"

"You know what? You're right. But it's worth it." I smiled, thinking about all the upcoming events, where I was going to perform; about my new video clip and about the endless support from fans, who happened to like what I was bringing to the stage.

***

"Hey, baby." Adam kissed me as soon as the door to his apartment closed. He was renting a beautiful apartment in Los Angeles while his new house was being built. He made sure the house matched every dream and desire he's had about it, and not surprisingly, it was turning out amazing. Well, Adam had a great taste, that's for sure. "This day was way too long." He sighed against my lips.

"I thought it will never end!" I agreed. "And I had to take the longest way ever, because I thought some journalist was fallowing me, but it turned out to be just a tourist."

"Maybe you should dye your hair some color that draws less attention." Adam chuckled.

"No way!" I protested with a smile.

"I'm just kidding!" He picked me up in a short moment and walked to his living room with me in his arms. "I love your hair." He said in a 'by the way' manner. My heart fluttered. Yes, fluttered and yes, it still happened to me with him. Every time.

"I'm glad you feel this way, 'cause the red isn't going anywhere any soon."

"And the blue, purple and green aren't either, I hope." I threw my head back with laughter as he sat down on the couch with me in his lap.

"I didn't know I still had the green." I said, still laughing. He kissed my exposed neck and hugged me closer to himself.

"Ah, I've missed you." I felt his breath on my ear. "And I'm gonna miss you even more the next few days."

"I know. Me too."

"Next time you're going with me and I'm not taking no for an answer."

"To visit your family? Don't you think it's too…" I searched for the right word.

"What? Serious? Committed?" He offered. "Come on, Allie, I think we're pretty serious and committed. I mean, the world thinks I'm gay for this relationship, don't you think it's serious enough to meet my parents?"

"I've already met your parents." I said childishly.

"Well, not as my girlfriend." What a delighting word. 'Girlfriend'. Especially when it described who I was to him.

"We'll see." I leaned in to kiss him again.

"Good, I'll tell my parents. They will be ecstatic."

"Adam!" I hit his shoulder lightly. "You're crazy!"

"True. But you love me."

"True." We both laughed.

"Let's go eat some dinner." Adam offered.

"You cooked?" I asked, getting up on my feet.

"Sure. It's not like we can go out or something, right?" I heard him sigh.

"I love it when you cook." Adam smiled and put his arm around my shoulders.

"And I don't mind staying at home every night, if it's with you."

"Good. Now, what do I do?"

"You can set the table while I heat everything up."

"Okay." I got the plates and the glasses as he took the food out of the fridge.

"So, how's school?"

"It's okay. When I'm there. Usually I just have to do a lot of studying with the tutors. You know, same as it's been since the beginning of the year."

"Well, at least the hard work is paying off. You're going to graduate soon."

"Yeah." I smiled happily.

"Excited?"

"Umm… More about the free time I'll have than anything else." I gave him a playful look as I passed him to grab some napkins. "You should be excited, though."

"Me? Why?"

"Because you won't be dating a high-school student anymore." I said without turning to him.

"It's not like it'll change anything. No one will know anyway." I heard him answer.

"You will."

"And I don't care." I jumped a little at his suddenly very close voice. "As long as it's you." He planted a kiss on my cheek before setting the dish on the table. "Listen, I hate to spoil our time together, but there's something we should discuss." Adam said after we already finished diner, but kept sitting and talking at the table.

"What is it?" I asked seriously. It couldn't be good.

"Oh, don't worry it's nothing bad, just something we should talk about." He knew me well, that's for sure. "You know I'm going on my tour just after your birthday. So I thought that after I come back we can… be together publically."

"Oh, but it's more than four months to my birthday and your tour is gonna take about three months…" Honestly, I was already dreading the moment he would have to leave. I mean, I could barely survive a few days without him, let alone months!

"Yeah, I know, but it would be stupid to go out together like a day after your birthday. Don't you think?"

"You're right, of course. It's just that it looks like a long time right now." I sighed and Adam took my hand in his.

"I know, baby, but we're doing great and I wouldn't want everything to be for nothing. Look, I know people are going to suspect and there are gonna be a lot of gossiping and stuff. Our mission is to make that kind of guesses, which are the most close to the truth, sound ridiculously unrealistic and impossible."

"So what do you have in mind?" I narrowed my eyes and he grinned at me.

"The plan is to say we haven't seen each other for a while and when we met again, something different from friendship started, right?"

"Right." I said slowly.

"Now, to make it believable we have to do something more than just not be caught together for the next few months."

"What else can we do?"

"We need to be seen with other people." Adam said simply.

"What?!" I stared at him in shock. Was he really suggesting this? "So what are you saying? That we should date other people?"

"Not date, but be caught with, yeah." How could he be so calm about it?

"You want to start rumors about us with other people?"

"Yes. Well, especially you. Do you have someone in mind?"

"Adam, don't you think you're taking this way too far?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think you're exaggerating. Who cares if we date people or not? As soon as I'm eighteen it's nobody's business who I date and why."

"We have to make sure that no one even conceders the possibility that this –" He pointed at our laced fingers. "Started a long time before you turned eighteen. Which you haven't yet."

"Do you really think that somebody will go that deep and practically investigate our privet lives?" Adam chuckled at this.

"Allie, you're a celebrity, you know your life will never really be privet and it will always be everybody's interest. We have to keep them as far as possible."

"What's the worst thing they can do? Spread rumors? Write lies?"

"Allie, they can make our life impossibly difficult. Don't you think it's easier to just prevent it and stick to the plan instead of trying to prove something and deal with it later?"

"I guess." Adam smiled playfully at me.

"I promise not to fall for a guy." I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"You better keep this promise." I teased.

"I don't think there will be a problem with that. I'll just go out a couple of nights with my friends and it's gonna do the trick, I'm sure. What about you?"

"I don't know. I guess I'll call that guy from the mall." I shrugged. "I just need to remember what his name was."

"Mark?" Adam chuckled.

"Yeah… Wait, why do you remember his name?" I only mentioned that guy once, when I told Adam how he wouldn't leave Jess and me alone.

"I don't know. Why do you have his number?" Adam seemed amused and not one bit concerned. I hoped that he didn't use his incredible acting abilities though.

"Jess made me take it, because he wouldn't let us go otherwise. I never called him, though."

"Okay, then. Go out somewhere with a lot of people."

"Why? Are you jealous?" I moved my eyebrows suggestively.

"No." He laughed. "But you need to be _seen_. Otherwise it's pointless."

"Darn it." I pulled on a fake frown and Adam laughed again, leaning closer to me.

"Maybe I'm a little jealous." He grinned. "He's young. Definitely a competition." I laughed and closed the distance between our mouths. What wouldn't I do for him…

***

As soon as the door behind me closed, I fell on the bed, pulled out my cell phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Hey, sweetie." I heard his warm voice answer almost immediately.

"Hey. I just got in." It was Saturday night and I came back from my date with Mark. I felt awful for using him this way, but honestly, he didn't seem to care.

"So, how was it?"

"It was great." I bit my lip to hold the laugh back. "Mark's such a nice guy. It was so fun!" I faked a giggle. "Awesome. I think we're gonna go out again next weekend." There was a long silence on the other end of the line.

"Oh," He finally replied and there was something very strange in his voice. I waited for a while, but he didn't say anything else. It was almost as if he believed me… Wait, he did believe me! Since when am I a good actress?

"Adam?" I could barely keep myself from laughing. Although it was also kind of flattering.

"M-mm?"

"I'm kidding." I decided it was enough torture for him.

"Oh," He repeated, but in a completely different manner. I could almost hear him smile.

"I couldn't wait for this to end so I can go home and call you." I admitted.

"Really?"

"Yeah." I laughed. "Did you really think I would enjoy tonight?"

"That horrible?"

"No, Mark is okay. He's nice, but he's not you." I heard him chuckle once. "And he was very excited about going out with Allison Iraheta from American Idol."

"I'm sorry."

"What for? Don't worry, it doesn't bother me anymore. Especially when it's someone I don't know and don't really want to."

"Well, I'm sorry you had such a bad time."

"It's okay. I can sacrifice one night for the greater good." He laughed.

"I promise to make it up to you when I get back."

"Yeah? And how will you do that?" I asked playfully, rolling to lie on my back.

"I'll take you on a good, enjoyable date."

"At your place?" I giggled, knowing it was the only possible place.

"Yeah. But it's not about where the date is. It's about with whom you spend it with. Right?"

"Totally." I hesitated for a second, but then decided he could bear some more teasing. "It doesn't matter how nice the place was, if the guy was a bad kisser." A pause.

"You're evil." I burst out laughing and he joined me soon.

"Don't worry, you're a better kisser." I joked again, imagining what he would do to me if he were next to me. He growled jokingly.

"Thanks."

"I'm not very objective, though. Maybe it's just because I love you."

"Yeah, probably." I enjoyed the sound of his magical laugh and wished I could be next to him now.

***

I knocked impatiently on the door of Adam's apartment next Saturday morning. We haven't seen each other in ten days and for me it was simply excruciating. I didn't want to think what I was going to do when he would leave for his tour. At that point even ten days were far too long without Adam.

"Hey!" I grinned at Adam as soon as he opened the door and stepped inside the apartment.

"Hi, baby!" Adam smiled at me, lifting me from the floor slightly and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he closed the door behind me. "So what's the plan for tonight?"

"I don't know, you promised to make it up to me for that horrible night last Saturday…" I said dramatically, exaggerating intentionally.

"Right, so what will make you happy, sweetie?" Adam moved a strand of my hair from my face and put it behind my ear with his free hand. His other hand was on my back, arm wrapped around me to hold my body close to his.

"I think I have an idea…" I grinned at him mischievously. I put my arms on each of his shoulders, not bothering to stand back on my feet. But honestly, who would? It was more than comfortable and Adam didn't show any objections, so I assumed he couldn't complain either.

"Mmm… sounds interesting." Adam's eyes widened playfully.

"Oh, it is!" I moved my eyebrows suggestively, still smiling. "Let's play some game… like cards, for example." Adam raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Wait, it's not everything… We'll play for undressing."

"What?" He asked half-shocked and half-smiling. I guess he thought I was joking. Or at least he hoped I was… But of course, I wasn't.

"Yeah, every time you lose, you take something off… The first one who has nothing left to remove is the one who loses the entire game." Yeas, I know it was an insane idea, inspired by desperation. What was I supposed to do though? He refused to talk about it seriously, so I had to start the conversation somehow. Although I really hoped it wouldn't be _just_ a conversation eventually…

"Oh, no, Allie… I know where you're going with this… It's not going to work." Adam sighed, as if I was just being stubbornly silly. Which I probably was, but still…

"Why not? Come on, Adam, it's just a game." Oh, really? Who I was trying to fool? I knew perfectly well it wasn't going to work, but I had to at least try.

"Allie…" He rolled his eyes, obviously not buying my attempts.

"Adam –" He cut me off.

"No, Allie." And it was a very definite 'no'. The one I was getting every time when it came to this… Well, I guess I had to be grateful for what I had. Oh, and don't get me wrong, I was. I _so_ was…

"You're no fun." I frowned like a spoiled child who didn't get something she wanted in time, trying to lighten up the mood. I wasn't going to ruin my time with Adam because of another refusal. "But I still love you." I sighed and put my head on his shoulder.

"I love you too, Allie." Adam kissed the side of my head and let me down on my feet. I looked up at him, meeting his incredibly beautiful eyes. My heart skipped a beat. Yep, definitely love and it wasn't going away anytime soon. If ever.

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There... Please tell me what you thought! :D


	11. Chapter 11

Hey guys!

First of all, thank you all for the wonderful reviews and for reading in general. =D

So here is the next chapter... It took a lot of work and I didn't think I would be able to post it today, but I made the effort to finish it sooner. :D I hope you like it!

Enjoy!

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11 – Eighteen, at last

"Are you excited?" Adam asked. I thought for a moment before answering.

"Not as much as I thought I would be." I admitted. Time flew by faster than I had expected and before I could blink, it was my birthday. Those months were extra-busy for both of us, but they were also full of happiness, as every moment had been for me ever since Adam and I decided to be together. "I've waited for this day to come for such a long time, but now…" I trailed off, unsure of how to describe the feeling.

"Nothing is that much different." Adam finished for me and I figured it was exactly how it felt.

"Yeah, pretty much the same." I sighed and turned to lie on my side, keeping the phone close to my ear. "I guess I wasn't really feeling excited for the birthday. I'm waiting for you to come back from your tour."

"I haven't left yet." I heard him chuckle.

"I know, but when you come back we can finally stop hiding and planning how to keep our relationship in secret." I bit my lip at the thought of him leaving for three months, shivering slightly. I hated this thought. Actually, I absolutely despised it. "Besides, I miss you already."

"You're gonna see me today." He promised. We have been talking on the phone for hours now and it was still dark outside. Adam wanted to be the first one to congratulate me, so he called before midnight and stayed on the line with me even after giving me his best wishes. I ignored my friends' calls, deciding they could wait until the morning and my family has been fast asleep since long before midnight.

"At this party my parents are throwing." I rolled my eyes. "Why do they have to do this?"

"Where did you get this attitude? Party is party, no matter who's throwing it. The most important thing is who the guests are." I knew he was grinning mischievously by that moment. "And we're _great_ guest, as far as I know."

"I don't know, I would much rather spend the day with you than at a huge party with people from work and family I don't really want to see and media and stuff."

"But I'm gonna be at the party." He argued, not affected by my mood.

"You know what I mean." I sighed.

"I do, but don't you think we spent a lot of time alone lately? It's your birthday, there's a party planned and you should have tons of fun enjoying it." Adam assured me.

"I guess so." I wasn't convinced, but there was no point to argue about it. The party was on, no matter what I said to my parents. And trust me, I've tried _everything_. "Are you sure I can't see you until tonight?" I sounded almost winy to myself. Don't even want to imagine how it sounded to him.

"Yeah, baby, I'm sorry. I really wish we could spend the day together, though." I smiled to myself; it could've been amazing. "Okay, we should go to sleep now; I need to get up in a couple of hours." Still, he laughed a little, not one bit concerned.

"This tour's bad for your health." I laughed quietly, but I was only half joking. "I'm glad I don't need to work today."

"Me too, so get some rest and I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye, birthday girl." I smiled again and hung up, quickly falling asleep as his musical voice was still echoing in my ears.

My mom woke me up around eleven in the morning, unaware of the fact that I stayed up most of the night. She attacked me with kisses and hugs and even let out a few tears at how her little girl was growing up so fast. I couldn't help but think _"Not fast enough.", _considering how much Adam and I had to go through to be together, all because of a few damn years between us.

Then it was my sister's turn and afterwards Jess jumped to my house. A few other friends of mine fallowed, just after school, which I didn't need to attend anymore. But it was nothing, compared to the amount of phone calls I received. I didn't even have time to read all of the cards and letters, which came mostly from fans, along with some presents. Also, a huge bouquet of beautiful flowers was sent to me that afternoon. The attached card contended only three words: "Happy birthday, Allie!". It was so simple, but he didn't need to write anything else, he already said everything on the phone and I was sure he would say even more in person. Of course it was Adam. I would recognize his handwriting anywhere. God, could he be more perfect? When my surprised mom asked who the flowers were from, I said they were probably from another fan, but couldn't get rid of the silly smile for hours.

The day was passing way too slow for my taste, but it was probably because I couldn't wait to see Adam that evening. It had more to do with the fact I hadn't had the chance to be with him for three days than with my birthday. Finally, my father came back from work and we all got dressed and ready for the party I didn't really want to attend.

I put my best attempts in looking as enthusiastic about my birthday party as I could manage. Wearing my new dress helped a little bit. I wasn't a big fan of formal clothing, but the gown was undeniably beautiful. Besides, Adam loved the dress when I showed it to him and I was excited to actually wear it for him. Jess and Kim, my best friends from school, made me try it on when we went out for shopping two weeks ago and it turned out to be perfect for me and for the occasion. It was a long, black gown, with a low v-neck and delicate, metallic chains that started on one of the shoulders, went around it loosely, fell down the back diagonally and ended on the opposite side, around the waist. Yes, certainly not something I would usually pick, but I had to choose something for the party and that dress seemed perfect for the occasion.

When we arrived at the place of the party I was afraid to come inside at first. I knew it was going to be embarrassing and I would feel self-conscious with all of the guests looking only at me the moment I enter the building. I mean, when I was on stage, the self-consciousness faded as soon as I started to sing and got the adrenaline boost. Now, however, there was no drive and no excitement from a performance, only the anxiety and awkwardness left to make me feel uneasy.

When I actually walked into the rented place, accompanied by my family, my jaw dropped a bit in surprise. It was nothing like I'd expected it to be. I was ready to see a huge, fiercely lighted hall with an uncomfortable feel of formality to it and lots of blinding camera flashes. Unbelievable, how mistaken a person can be. It looked like a very cool and current club: there were couches from both sides, along with low tables; on the opposite side of the entrance, there was a small stage, but the band wasn't playing at the moment, the music came from the huge speakers all around and I guessed there was a DJ booth somewhere; there were also a bar in one corner and waiters all around. The whole place was lighted by paper globe-shaped lamps that were hanging from the ceiling and spreading a soft light. In the middle of all of this beauty, the dancing floor was waiting for the party to begin, still empty, but already extra-lighted with colorful and blinking lights.

"Holly…" I wasn't even able to finish my whisper from so much shock. I just stood there, frozen and stared all around. My parents couldn't have planned all of this. Hell, they couldn't even afford something like this. My eyes caught the sight of Adam across the dancing floor and it all clicked. Of course my parents didn't arrange this. Adam did. That's why he was even busier than usually lately and why he was so positively excited about this party. It had been him all along.

My heart was pounding powerfully in my chest and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He hasn't seen me yet, but I could examine his looks from where I stood. He was wearing a black shirt, his sleeves rolled up to the elbows, with grey vast and pants. His hair was perfectly arranged and he had lots of jewelry on, as always. Damn, he looked so handsome that it was almost too overwhelming.

"Mom…" I could barely speak.

"I know, it's amazing." I heard her answer. "You have great friends." I smiled slightly, unable to tear my gaze from Adam. I didn't even wonder what he'd told my parents at the time. I had an uncontrollable and unbearable desire to kiss him. I was about to give in to my urge and run to his embrace, but before I had time to move one foot; I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Don't." I heard the familiar voice just above my ear. I turned around to Kris, but he just smiled and hugged me with the usual 'Happy Birthday'.

"Thanks!" I smiled and Katy gave me a hug as well, followed by dozens of others. I was grateful and flattered by all the attention, but there was one person I needed to wrap his hands around me more than anything else.

"Hey, beautiful!" I finally heard him address to me. I spun around and immediately found myself pressed to Adam's body for a long and sweet moment, which ended way too quickly for my taste. "Happy birthday, sweetie." His warm smile was dazzling and breathtaking, even more than usually and I wished I could kiss it.

"Thank you, Adam." I smiled back at him. "For everything. It's amazing! How did you manage to pull this off?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He grinned at me with a wink. "I didn't do anything."

"I know." I rolled my eyes. "My parents did a good job."

"They did." Adam looked straight at me, his eyes suddenly got a little more serious. "They raised a gorgeous, sweet, amazing daughter." Okay, now it was more than challenging to stop myself from kissing him, it was torturing!

"You should stop looking at me like this, before I do something very irresponsible." I warned him, biting my bottom lip.

"It's not my fault you're so perfectly beautiful. You're blinding like the sun tonight." I blushed, but fought to stay as calm as possible. Without much success, of course.

"Have you looked in the mirror today?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Why? I much rather look at you." Adam winked and gave me a small pack on the cheek before he disappeared into the crowed and I was pulled in for more hugs and kisses.

Adam performed a song for me later, nothing too personal, simply about dancing and laughing and such, but still beautiful and amazing as always. Kris sang a song as well, one of his new singles and then Matt, Megan, Anoop and Danny joined them on the stage and they sang the _'Happy Birthday'_ song for me. I must admit, it was quite original, especially with Adam's famous high note in the end. I knew they didn't practice for this, which made it even more touching. I got up on the stage, thanking them and everybody who came, but they didn't let me go off the stage until I sang a song myself. It was one of the best performances I've had, because the audience was the people I knew and loved. Then Kim got on the stage, dragging Jess and a bunch of my friends with her, only she didn't sing, thanks goodness, she said a whole speech of congratulations. It was quite funny and sweet, until they surrounded me on the dance floor and didn't let me go dance with other people or just sit and rest for a while.

***

"I want to be able to dance with you as much as I want to, to kiss you when I want to and to just be with you without thinking through every movement I make." I finally let out my frustration when Adam and I met in some equipment room in the back of the rented club. The party was in its peak, but honestly, I didn't want to go back to it yet.

"You danced with me and we spent a lot of time together throughout the evening." Adam leaned back against one of the walls.

"Yes, but it wasn't much different from the dances and time I shared with my friends. You are not just my friend." I complained.

"We're not a regular couple, Allie." He sighed and I knew I was being childish, but I wanted to be with him more than anything else and the fact that I couldn't drove me insane.

"I know, but that's it, I'm eighteen, there's nothing to be scared of anymore." We've had this conversation already, more than once, but I just had to be stubborn and immature.

"You know it's not true. There is gonna be a scandal anyway, why make it worse?" Adam made a step to stand closer to me. "I hate to care what people think or say about me, but it's necessary right now." He said quietly, looking into my eyes, as if to convince me it was the right thing. He didn't need to, though. We both knew he was right.

"This is so unfair." I sighed helplessly.

"I know, baby, but that's the price we pay for being famous. We signed up for this." Adam rubbed my cheek gently.

"No, we signed up for being singers. Our private lives are our own business." I crossed my arms tiredly.

"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, sweetie. It's all or nothing."

"I know…" I sighed again and tried to fight the tears back.

"Hey," Adam noticed the moisture in my eyes before I looked down and held my chin up, making me look up at him. "It's okay. It'll be over soon and then we can do whatever the hell we want. Right now, you should try to enjoy your birthday." He smiled down at me warmly and I immediately felt better. "We'll make our own little celebration later tonight." He whispered in my ear before giving me a kiss on the lips, which deepened soon, but never got out of control. "I can't wait to our private after party." He said in a low voice, wrapping his arms around me. Right there, in his embrace, pressed to his warm body, I could forget about everything and get lost in the overwhelming happiness I felt. Party in the awesome club just outside the room… What party?

***

"Hi…" I smiled and walked over to Adam, who stood in the middle of his living room. My birthday party was over and we were finally alone. My parents left early, with most of my family, so I figured I would just come up with an excuse the next day, knowing I would stay at Adam's that night. Whatever they would think or assume, they certainly wouldn't suspect of the truth, that's for sure. Adam and I took care of it, dooming ourselves to be always obligated to keep a secret. No regrets so far, if you ask me.

"Finally." He took me into a hug, very different form the ones he gave me when we were surrounded by people, then kissed my bare shoulder and turned on the music that filled the room with a quiet melody.

"So, you said you wanted to dance?" He grinned at me and took my hand, spinning me around and then pulling my body close to his. "Is this good enough?" Adam asked in a low voice after we swayed for a while at the rhythm of the music.

"Oh, it's great." I laughed and leaned my head against his chest.

"I wish we didn't have to wait and hide to do this." He sounded more serious this time. I looked up at him. He seemed to feel guilty about it, for some reason.

"I know, but it's okay. I'm glad we can be alone now." I didn't mean to upset him that way earlier, I just let out my frustration, without taking in consideration his feelings. Selfish, selfish me. Now I had to let him know it wasn't as bad as I made it sound. "Gosh, I'm such an ungrateful person." I closed my eyes for a moment, then opened them and looked up at him. "Adam, tonight has been incredible and it's just getting better. I do wish we could act like a couple openly, but that doesn't mean I didn't have fun tonight. It was the best birthday party possible." I looked straight into his eyes, hoping he would see the sincerity in them. I stood on the tips of my toes and pressed my lips to his jaw softly before whispering "Thank you,".

"I'm glad you liked it." He smiled his breathtaking smile and brought one of my hands to his lips. "You deserve the best." I didn't respond, I just pressed myself even tighter to him. "By the way," Adam leant away slightly to look at me. "Did I mention how stunning you look tonight?" Truth to be told, I have never been one of those obviously beautiful girls, that guys were unable to tear their eyes from. I drew attention not with my looks, but usually with my clumsiness and goofiness. And I've never thought of myself as an attractive girl, but the way his the gaze of astonishing eyes focused on me at that moment made it impossible to not feel like the most gorgeous woman in the entire universe.

"Yeah." I chuckled and pulled him down for a kiss.

"You are so beautiful." He said quietly after breaking the kiss, his lips next to my ear.

"So I've heard." I joked. "Nothing compared to you though."

"Me? What about me?" I giggled at how sincerely unaware of his attractive looks he was.

"You are absolutely gorgeous." It wasn't something I would usually say so seriously and I think that that the edge in my voice was too obvious. I fully expected him to chuckle at my statement or joke about it, but instead I felt his lips slowly make their way along my jaw line, down my neck and to my shoulder, lingering there. To say the least, I felt the heat rush up my chest, quickening my heartbeats.

Then the music changed and Adam pushed me away, just to turn me around and then pull back into his embrace. His arms were around me, hands holding mine, my back pressed against his chest and his lips on my neck.

"Wait, wait." I moaned, pulling away to sit down on the sofa and took my shoes off. "I can't stand in those anymore." I pointed at the high heels.

"Stay there; I'll go get us something to drink." Adam smiled and left the room, kissing the top of my head on the way out.

Adam and I had an amazing time at our so called 'after party', we danced a little more, drank some champagne and ate snacks and sweets, since neither of us had time to eat at the party. Later into the night, we both changed our clothes, which left me wearing one of his simple T-shirts that reached to my mid-thigh, instead of my evening gown. Then we cuddled on his bed and talked for a long time, until we finally fell asleep.

Is it really necessary to conclude that day? It started with a long conversation with Adam on the phone; continued with many wishes, hugs and kisses; then with a surprisingly awesome party, on which I got the chance to see all of my friends and family, to dance, have fun and be constantly told how beautiful I looked, by the man I loved among everybody else. Afterwards, this incredible evening continued with a private after party, which included only my boyfriend and me; and then it ended as I drifted to sleep in Adam's arms. What's there to say? _The_ best day of my life to that point.

Waking up in the morning and seeing Adam's face the moment I opened my eyes was the most incredible experience I've had. I smiled at him sleepily as he gazed at me wordlessly. And then came another great moment, as he smiled back. He had the most beautiful smile I've ever seen; there was no doubt about that.

"Good morning." Adam's voice was a little husky from the sleep and the many conversations of the previous day.

"Morning." I turned to lie on my stomach. "What time is it?" I asked worriedly. The only thing clouding this perfect morning was the fact that Adam had to leave soon for the tour arrangements and then we wouldn't meet until… August. I swallowed hard at the horrifying thought.

"Almost noon." He replied.

"Man, why did we waste so much time on sleep?"

"Well, if you call five hours a long time for sleep…" He chuckled.

"I wish you didn't have to go for so long." I sighed. Adam was lying on his side right next to me, propping himself on his elbow and tracing undefined lines on my back with his fingers. It felt so nice, that it actually made me even sadder, because I knew we only had a few more hours together until he had to go.

"I know, I wish that too, but we still have phones and internet… thanks God for modern technology."

"And those who actually invented it." I chuckled.

"I'll miss you terribly, Allie." Adam's eyes were serious and sincere, as always.

"I miss you already." I snuggled to his body and buried my face in his chest as he kissed the top of my head and embraced me tightly.

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Okay, so tell me your opinions and thoughts about this chapter! :D


	12. Chapter 12

Hi everyone!

As always, thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It's so nice to read your positive feedback... ;-)

Okay... So this chapter wasn't easy to write and that's why it took me so long to update. I rewrote this many times until I was finally satisfied with the result. Now I think it's right, at last.

It's also the longest chapter yet, but it kind of works, because the months without Adam weren't exactly flying for Allie... They were a long, long few months.

Enjoy!

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12 – (fake) Confessions

Adam left for his first tour around the world, and I stayed, missing him way too much to be sane. Of course, we spoke to each other every day, sometimes using cameras to actually see each other, but it simply wasn't enough. There was always something missing. Even beyond the lack of the physical touch, which wasn't to be ignored either; I had to just feel Adam's presence. It's hard to explain, but somehow looking in his eyes through a camera and hearing his voice on the phone was definitely pleasant and comforting, but it didn't feel real enough. It wasn't something I could name, it just wasn't good enough, end of story.

During those long weeks, that seemed to crawl longer than possible, I had lots of work with the video clip for my new single. It took most of my time and all of my free time I spent with my friends, who found it absolutely wonderful, because it was definitely more time than I have been spending with them for a while now. They did their best to entertain me as soon as they noticed something wasn't right. Still, there was nothing that could keep my mind off of Adam. Obviously.

Two weeks after my birthday I was already getting frustrated, missing Adam, but also afraid to think about what was waiting ahead. I knew it wasn't going to be easy when Adam would be back and that the scandalous news about us will be a giant explosion in the press. It was definitely going to be the gossip of the year and we couldn't avoid it in any way. Although I was ready to experience the whole thing right then, if it meant that Adam would come back sooner.

One afternoon I was lying on the sofa in the living room, trying to read a book, but unable to concentrate enough and ended up reading the same paragraph about a dozen times. My mind kept wandering, always returning to the same subjects: Adam and our plan. Then my cell phone started to ring, bringing me back to reality and I jumped in surprise, almost falling from the couch. It took me a moment to find the device, but I answered in time, before it stopped ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey, girl!" I heard Megan's familiar voice.

"Hey!" I replied enthusiastically. "What's up?" I was genuinely happy to hear from her.

"Everything's great. You?"

"Awesome." Well, usually it was, but now that Adam went away for his tour life wasn't as great.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you soon, but it was crazy the last couple of weeks… Anyway, I wanted to tell you that your party was _amazing_." I could hear the smile on Megan's lips.

"I wish I could take the credit for it, but I didn't arrange it. It was like a present from… my friends and family." Oh, yes I wished I could tell her the truth. I wished I could tell everybody, just so I could stop thinking twice through any word I was about to say. I wanted to feel free. But being with Adam was more important and I was willing to wait a few more months and to lie to assure the future with him that I wanted so much.

"Great friends and family." Megan laughed, not showing any sign she might've not believed me. But then again, why wouldn't she believe me? It's not like she could guess what really happened.

"Yeah." I faked a laugh. "Totally. When my parents told me they're arranging a party for me, I definitely didn't expect anything like that." I admitted. Well, at least that wasn't a lie.

"I can see your point." Megan laughed again. "But it really was fantastic. And it was so great to see everybody again. We haven't gotten a lot of opportunities to meet and just hang out after the tour ended."

"Yeah, we didn't have a lot of time to talk at the last event we met each other." I agreed.

"And it's not the same when we're at some music awards event or something. I miss spending time with everybody."

"Me too." I was thinking about the American Idol tour, remembering what it was like with all the idols, on the buses and at hotels… Like a big family on the road. The last few weeks of the tour were the most memorable, the most joyful and amazing of all. Soon I was consumed by the thoughts… about Adam. I thought how great it had been to spend so much time with him, so much, much more than I could after the tour ended… and certainly without a comparison to the time I spent with him now, which was none, if you don't count the long conversations on the phone.

"I haven't even seen some of the guys outside of work." Megan was the one to break the silence of slight nostalgia. "I mean, I got together with you a few times and Lil, a couple of times with Matt and Adam and that's about it. We're all so busy these days, it's horrible."

"I know. I didn't get a chance to hang out much with anyone either." I thought for a moment and added, "I haven't even seen Adam in like forever until the party." What? It was the perfect opportunity to spread what we wanted to be the truth for everyone. "He's even busier than all of us." Well, that wasn't a lie, really.

"Yeah, it's insane! You know he's on a worldwide tour now?" She was telling me? Oh, _please_. There was no one who knew about it better than I did, or felt his absence more…

"Yeah, I've heard." I kept my voice casual. "And I got to talk to him at my party a little, he's _so_ excited."

"I would be too." Megan laughed. "And you know how excitable Adam is." At that one I was the one to laugh. Yes, I knew exactly how excitable he was. I was the first one to hear the news and the one who heard about it the most. But I couldn't blame him. I was almost as excited and enthusiastic as him. Well, at least I had been, until I realized I wouldn't be able to see him for three months.

"He sounded very happy about the tour and the way everything's going." I said, hoping I sounded like myself.

"Of course he is! He's doing so great." She paused for a moment. "Who had the doubt he would, though?" I knew she was only half joking. And she was right.

"I can't complain either." I figured it was enough talking about Adam and how I didn't keep in touch with him. I didn't like to lie at all and I thought it was already way too much for me. Besides, I did what I had to and she believed me, so my goal was fulfilled. "I'm working on a new record now." I told her to change the subject.

"Oh, that's great!" I knew Megan was sincerely happy for me. That's just the way she was; selfless and honest, always glad for other people's joy and success. This only made me feel even guiltier about lying to her. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks. Your album is on the way, isn't it?"

"Yeah!" She answered enthusiastically. "The single's out and some people actually like it!" I smiled to myself.

"Megan, everybody loves it. I do to. It's awesome." I could so easily imagine how she blushed and looked down.

"Thank you. It took some time, but finally we're finished with it."

"It's gonna be great." I assured her.

"I hope so." Then she was the one to change the subject. "I'm watching some kind of rumors show on the TV and guess who's on it?"

"Who?"

"Adam and Kris." Megan laughed. "They're showing them at some restaurant with Katy. It feels like they're the only ones who really stayed in touch, like the close friends they are." I bit my bottom lip. It was _so_ hard not to tell her how close we all stayed. Especially Adam and I… "If I didn't know better, I would already suspect Kradam fans aren't that insane at all…" We both broke into laughter, remembering the old times and jokes about fans, rumors and fiction pairings. How could anyone guess how close to the truth those fans were? Only not about the pairing Megan was talking about… I couldn't imagine what would be her reaction when she finds out. "By the way, Kris told me he's going on a tour too." Megan remembered.

"Yeah, but he stays in the states for now." It was Adam who always needed adventures and changes… he always needed more. Damn him. I held a sigh back. The rest of the conversation passed for me in some kind of a daze. I replied to Megan's questions, but other than that stayed quiet, my thoughts all devoted to Adam. Soon I was seriously considering the option that I would lose my mind in the next couple of months.

The fact that I couldn't talk to anybody about it didn't make it any easier. Jess actually made it even harder, as she kept interrogating me about that Mark guy and the endless text massages I received and sent. And she didn't even know about the long conversations that were held when she wasn't around. I told her I haven't seen Mark since our date and didn't intend to do so, nor want to, so she refused to leave me alone until I would tell her who I was seeing. And when Jess sets a goal, nothing can keep her from getting what she wants.

"What makes you think I'm seeing someone?" I replied casually to her too frequent and unchanging question. "Just because of the texting?" I sighed tiredly. I've tried to change the subject countless times, trust me, it didn't work even once.

"Oh, give me a break!" She rolled her eyes. "You should see your expression every time he calls or something."

"He?" My heart skipped a beat. Could she possibly know?

"Yeah, the guy that you're in love with." When did she get so wise about romance? She used to be even more clueless about love than I had been before I met Adam.

"What?" I tried to fake a laugh. "What are talking about?"

"Come on, Allie, I know there's someone. There has been someone for a long time and I want you to finally tell me!" She shook my shoulder impatiently. I was about to tell my friend she was wrong like I usually did, but she was going to find out soon anyway and I thought it would be better if I told her the version of the truth I wanted her to know. Besides, as soon as Adam and I would announce our relationship publically, she would know exactly what had been happening since I got home from the tour. This wasn't what I wanted to happen; all of those sacrifices weren't for nothing, so I decided it would be much wiser to tell her now and make her believe in the story Adam and I were going to sell.

"Okay, I'll tell you." I said in defeat and she jumped up and down with excitement. "But you can't tell anybody yet." I warned her.

"I'm a tomb!" Jess promised excitedly.

"Umm… I don't know how to explain it properly… It's not a relationship really… Well, not yet." I hated to lie to her, but there was no other choice, I had to make my lie as believable as possible. "It's mostly some flirting and stuff…"

"Stuff?" She moved her brows suggestively.

"Not that kind of stuff, Jess." I moaned in response.

"Who is it?" She demanded and I could tell she was horribly curious. I held back a giggle, knowing she would never guess who I was talking about, not even in a million years. Well, I wasn't going to torture her for so long…

"Adam." I said finally, receiving a strange stare from Jess. "What?"

"As in Lambert?" There was an evident shock and disbelief in her voice. Not that I didn't expect it. It was totally understandable. I could still remember my own disbelief when Adam and I got together so many months ago. And I had actually been there and took a part in that whole story. Imagine what she was experiencing at that moment.

"Do you know other Adams?" I raised one of my eyebrows, trying to sound calm, as if my heart wasn't hammering insanely in my chest. I was about to test our plan on her. So much depended on whether she would believe or not, whether everyone would believe or not.

"I do actually," Jess said slowly. "But you don't."

"Yeah, it's Adam Lambert. I've had a crush on him since… I first saw him, I guess, but –"

"But he's gay!" Jess raised her voice and I was glad my parents weren't home. There would be time for them to panic as well.

"Who?" But my sister was. She peeked into my room with a curious expression.

"Oh, man…" I closed my eyes and sighed. I wasn't planning to tell anybody but Jess yet. However, apparently I didn't have a choice anymore, so I had to deal with it. I had to make it as good as I possibly could and everything else wasn't in my hands.

"Your sister's dating Adam Lambert." Jess informed her and I covered my face with both of my hands. This was getting out of control and I couldn't let this happen. They had to believe in the story Adam and I made up, thinking through every detail, and were about to tell everybody.

"What?! Are you serious?" Sarah sounded even more shocked than Jess as she entered the room and took a seat on my bed.

"I'm not dating him." Well, at least not outside his house. "It's just that our relationship is a little more than friendship now and I hope that someday it would develop into something like dating." Damn, I wasn't that horrible in it, was I? Definitely better than I'd expected.

"Wait, but he_ is_ gay, he admitted in that interview months ago!" My beloved sister just had to make it harder, didn't she? Well, I guess it was a good rehearsal for what was waiting for me. As much as I didn't want to think about it, I knew I had to speak with my parents soon.

"I guess he's not." I shrugged casually and Jess and Sarah exchanged meaningful looks. "It's complicated, I hardly understand it myself." I really didn't want to get into this part. Besides, I knew Adam could handle it better.

"So… what happened?" Jess asked carefully and I was grateful she didn't ask anything else about Adam's sexuality.

"Nothing really. We haven't seen each other for a while and hardly ever called each other this whole time, because we were so busy…" Well, at least some part of this was the truth. "And then we met at my birthday party and… It was somehow very weird… like we're a little distant…" I made sure I did the pauses in time so it would look like I was searching for the right words, instead of sounding rehearsed. "For me it was almost embarrassing, being with him after all this time." I sighed and looked down. No, I wasn't such a good liar, or an actress, whatever you wish to call it. I wasn't coming up with this detailed description as I was going. I was combining the storyline Adam and I planned a long time ago with real feelings I remembered from what seemed like a decade ago. "And he was as sweet and charming and… cute as he always is and…"

"And..?" They asked together.

"And I kind of said I was attracted to him…" In my mind I was remembering the way I really told Adam about my feelings . God, it was so different from what I was telling. Attracted. I could hardly stop myself from smirking sarcastically. Attraction couldn't come close to what I felt for Adam. I was so completely and irreversibly in love with him by that time…

"Kind of?" Sarah asked.

"Well, I did, but he was all weird about it... Not that you could blame him… But eventually we ended up kissing." Wow, it was pretty close to the truth, wasn't it? So how come it was so far away from reality?

"You _kissed_?!" They shouted in the same time with shock.

"Yeah, and it made everything even more awkward." I played with my bracelet to keep my eyes and hands busy, so I wouldn't have to look them in the eyes and still seem believably embarrassed.

"And you didn't tell me?!" Jess was getting too loud for my taste.

"I didn't want anybody to know, because I didn't think something was going to happen." Damn, I was getting pretty good at it. I wished Adam was there with me, though. "But now he's away on his tour and we've been talking a lot since the party… not in a friendly way… I mean, it's different now."

"Different – how?" Sarah asked.

"I don't know how to explain this. It just is."

"I know you have a thing for him…" I didn't bother to ask her why she hasn't said a word to me about it, if she'd known I had feelings for Adam. There simply was no point now. "But are you sure he feels the same way?" Okay, so he lied to almost everybody he knew about being gay and not dating anybody, which he absolutely despised; pretended to be someone who he wasn't, something he liked even less and risked practically everything to be with me for the last year. Yeah, I was pretty sure.

"I hope so." I shrugged again.

"But what if he sees you just as a friend?" Sarah offered. I knew she didn't do it to make me feel bad. She is my sister after all, she was being protective.

"Gee, you're supportive." I replied sarcastically. "He surely doesn't kiss all of his friends like that. At least I really hope he doesn't." I took a deep breath before speaking again. "Look, I don't know what's going on, so I don't want anybody to know about it until we figure everything out. And it's not going to happen until he comes back from the tour and we talk. Can you keep your mouths shut?" I looked from Sarah to Jess and they both nodded. We set there for a minute in silence, until Jess spoke again.

"So…" I looked up at her. "Adam Lambert, ha?" I couldn't help by smile and before I knew it, both of them were attacking me with excited hugs and squeals. Well, the squeals were mostly from Jess.

Two down… The whole world to go. Honestly, I wasn't afraid of what everybody's reaction would be and I didn't worry about the scandal that our relationship would cause. The only opinions that I cared about were my parents'. And they weren't going to be enthusiastic about it, that was for sure. I can't say I was very excited about telling them…

The cheerfulness didn't last for long and after that conversation I was left feeling somewhat uneasy. I was lying on my bed for a long time after Jess went home and Sarah got back to her room. I tried to fall asleep, but the thoughts were cursing madly through my mind, not letting me rest for even a minute.

I was thinking about today, when I had to lie to three people, who meant a lot to me, and about the future that wasn't much different and full of lies to m any other people I loved, especially my parents. There was no other way; I had to lie to them, because I knew they wouldn't be able to accept that my relationship with Adam started when I was seventeen, especially since I lied to them. They would accuse Adam in seducing me or brainwashing me or whatever there is to do with me, but they would convince themselves he was some kind of pervert because of his age. Wait, doesn't it feel somehow familiar? Yep, that's what Adam tried to convince himself of when he first realized he had feelings for me. I knew that if we told my parents the truth back then, they would do something crazy like suing Adam or doing any other thing to keep us apart. So we made sure that wouldn't happen, because everyone thought I wasn't exactly his type this whole time and now they couldn't do anything, because I was eighteen. But it didn't mean my parents were going to take the news nicely and react enthusiastically about our 'new' relationship.

The guilt was letting itself known and I tossed from side to side restlessly through the whole night, only able to think about all the lies Adam and I had to tell. I knew they were a constant factor in my life now, no matter how much I hated them. I also knew that he was obligated to lie because of me, which made me feel even worse.

In the morning I was desperate to talk to someone. I knew that it was my only chance to stay sane, so I dialed the only number I could. No, it wasn't Adam's, because I knew he was giving one of his concerts at that hour of the day. Besides, I wasn't sure he could help me, since he was actually a part of this whole thing.

"Kris." I said quietly as soon as I heard the familiar voice on the other side.

"Allie?"

"Yeah, it's me"

"What's going on?" He immediately assumed something wasn't right. Not because I called him, of course, we've been keeping in touch. I guess there was a certain edge to my voice, which made me sound somehow desperate, which I was.

"I told my sister and my friend about Adam." I tried to fight the tears, but they were stubbornly fighting back.

"The truth?" I could hear a little bit of concern in his voice.

"Only the truth I want them to believe in." I took in a shaky breath. I felt so restless and uncomfortable, and the tears weren't about to give up. "God, Kris, I'm lying to my sister and my best friend about something so important… As if they're like the rest of the world that's going to judge us…" The salty liquid finally broke out, streaming down my face frilly – I wasn't able to hold it back anymore.

"Do you regret doing it?" Kris asked.

"No." I didn't have to think about it for long to be able say it firmly. No matter how hard it was and still was going to be for me, I could've never brought myself to regret anything. "Of course not. I just feel…" I searched for the right word. "Guilty. I feel very, very guilty."

"It's absolutely understandable." Kris assured me. "To choose to lie for the rest of your life to everybody and especially to the people you care about… It's not an easy thing to do and it's a really tough choice to make." I sighed, wondering if he judged Adam and me somewhere deep down in his heart. "Especially at your age."

"It has nothing to do with my age." I replied weakly, wiping the tears from my face with my free hand. "I'm pretty sure I would feel as guilty if I were thirty."

"Still, it's a lot of pressure for a girl to bear. But I'm sure you'll be able to handle it." Here was coming the support speech. "Just try not to think about how wrong it is and concentrate on the reason why you guys did all of this. I know it's worth the unpleasant experiences and the quilt and everything." I didn't expect him to say something like that, although it was kind of helping. He was right and I found a little comfort in his words. "And think about Adam." He _really_ didn't need to tell me this. It's not like I could avoid thoughts about Adam anyway. "Soon he's going to come back…" Ah, that soothing voice of Kris combined with the sweet thought about Adam's arrival in a few weeks… Definitely comforting.

"You're good." I said, only partly joking.

"Hold on, Allie, it's gonna pay off." I smiled to myself. It has been paying off for almost a year. "By the way, did you tell Adam?"

"No, I haven't spoken to him yet."

"You really should."

"I know." I sighed heavily. "And I will. I just needed someone to talk to, before I let out all the frustration on him." Honestly, I think that a big part of my frustration was caused by Adam's long absence. And the closer it got to the end of Adam's tour, the slower the days were passing. I was almost afraid that a few days before he would be back, the time would simply stop completely. Sometimes I wasn't sure I would be able to stop myself from getting up and flying to wherever Adam was at that moment.

"He'll be back very soon, Allie, you'll see." Kris tried to encourage me. He was great so far, but I guess he forgot how slowly the time was passing when your loved one was out of hearing and touching range. Not so long ago, his days were as long as mine now. I decided not to remind him of that.

"Thank you for being here for me, Kris." I said with sincere gratitude.

"Nah, nothing to thank me for." Of course he was being his usual self… Then I heard someone call his name from a distance. "I'm sorry, but I have to go now, Allie."

"It's okay. Thanks again and tell Katy I said 'hi'."

"Sure. I'll see you around."

"Yeah, especially on the TV screen. I'm gonna spend there a lot of time soon." We both laughed a little and said our goodbyes. He didn't tell me anything new and didn't really do anything, but somehow I felt a little relieved after the conversation with Kris. It was great to finally talk to someone and speak about what I felt. Besides, Kris' calmness was sort of contagious, so a few good minutes of talking to him were pretty helpful in my situation. Of course, I still felt guilty and doubted it will ever go away completely, but now I was mostly focused on the anticipation for Adam's return. And again, I couldn't wait for the moment I would be in his arms…

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I hope it wasn't boring, because there wasn't a lot going on, but it had to be like that.

I would really appreciate it if you tell me what you thought... But I said it many times already, so you know. =D

You know what happens next... Adam comes back from his tour finally!


	13. Chapter 13

Hi everyone!

This chapter is long enough, so won't do much explaining…

Thanks to everybody who reads the story and special thanks to those who reviewed! Love you all! =D

Enjoy!

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13 – Love isn't a crime

.

The day before Adam was going to return from his tour I came to his apartment, using my personal key, and stayed there until his arrival. We didn't want any fans or press to spot me in his house's area exactly the day he was back. And obviously, everybody knew when Adam Lambert would be back from his worldwide tour. It would've been stupid to risk our plan at that point.

So I spent an evening, then an entire night and eventually a morning in Adam's apartment. Alone. Merely twelve hours, six of which I spent sleeping. But I think those several hours have been the longest yet. I wasn't counting weeks, days, or even hours anymore. During this time each minute that passed seemed to drag forever. I came to a point that I wasn't sure the clock was still working.

When I received a message from Adam in the morning, telling he was on his way from the airport, the frustrating impatience was completely overshadowed by the eagerness to see him after over three months apart. I was more than excited; it was a powerful and indescribable feeling. I had a strong desire to scream the entire time, which seemed to be long as eternity. Eventually I heard the much anticipated sound of a key turning inside the lock.

I practically flew to the entrance of the apartment and a few short seconds later the door opened roughly, revealing the most beautiful sight in my world. The sight I had been missing terribly for those unbearably long months that refused to end. The sight I loved the most. The sight I couldn't live without. _Adam._ I have been aching so much for his touch, scent, presence, that I could almost feel him next to me while he was gone. That 'almost' was excruciating.

"Adam!" I wanted to scream, but could only whisper. The next moment I found myself in his strong arms, he lifted me from the floor as his embrace tightened and soon he was spinning with me in his arms.

"Allie, I've missed you so, so much!" Adam said into my ear, setting me down, but not releasing my body.

"I've missed you too." I hugged him even closer, unwilling to let go. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I could feel his breaths on my skin. I took a deep intake of air, inhaling the familiar and horribly missed smell. "You have no idea."

"Yeah, I do." Adam leaned back to look at me and I got lost in his brilliant, piercing eyes. "I love you so much…" He breathed out and then we practically attacked each other's mouths…

"I'm not leaving tonight." I informed Adam when we eventually broke the kiss, which wasn't very soon. He held me pressed to his body and I rested my head against his chest.

"You're staying for the night?"

"M-hm…" I hummed in approval, closing my eyes.

"What did you tell your parents?" He asked suspiciously.

"That I'm spending the night at my boyfriend's, who I haven't seen for three goddamn months and missed awfully too much." I felt his chest shaking from quiet laughter.

"I would've liked to see how _that_ ended up."

"You would've probably had to run away to Canada for a few more months until they cooled down." I joked, but frowned at the thought of being away from him again.

"I'd rather be murdered by your father." Adam chuckled, as if reading my mind. "Really, what did you tell them?"

"Well, you know that we're shooting the new video in some forest outside the city this Monday… So I told them I have to be there today for early preparations and I'm staying there until we finish it." He was silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry you have to lie to your parents to be with me, sweetie." He said eventually, leaning away to look at me.

"You have to lie to the whole world to be with me, and I don't think it compares." I replied seriously.

"At least my family knows the truth." Adam sighed.

"That's because your family is actually able to deal with it. You know it's necessary, Adam. We did everything with a reason."

"I know. And I know you can't tell them the whole truth, but I think you should talk to your parents soon."

"I will, next weekend, when I get back home." I promised.

"Okay." He ran his fingers through my hair and smiled. "Do you want me to be there?"

"I do." I admitted. "But I think it would be better if I do it alone."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Thanks, though." Adam leaned down a bit to plant a kiss on my lips. "Let's go grab some ice cream." I suggested.

"You got ice cream for me?" He beamed happily, his eyes widening slightly. He reminded me of a little boy at that moment and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yep. I wanted to do something nice for you, but it's the only thing I could come up with."

"You know you don't have to do anything for me, right? You being here is more than enough to make me completely and absolutely happy." He looked down at me as we walked to the kitchen.

"I know." I tried to sound calm, while my heart was pounding insanely in my chest. "But good ice cream could never hurt." Adam laughed in response and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him so he could kiss my cheek.

***

"… You have to go there on your own tour!" Adam was telling me enthusiastically about his 'adventures' from the tour. He seemed ecstatic and it was enough to make me satisfied.

"I'm not going on a worldwide tour." I announced calmly.

"What? Why not?"

"I can't stand being away from you for so long." I hated to sound so cheesy and needy, but it was the pure truth and I knew I didn't need to pretend to be someone I'm not around Adam. "I'm not going to make our time apart even more limited than it already is, if I can help it."

"Are you trying to make me feel guilty?" Adam asked jokingly, putting his spoon down.

"No." I laughed. "I'm just telling you how I feel." I paused for a moment. Then continued more seriously, though looking down at the table and not at Adam. "Those months were very tough for me." I admitted. Let's say it wasn't a huge underestimation, it was just the softened truth.

"Hey," Adam put his hand under my chin, raising it so I would look at him. "This time wasn't easy for me either." He smiled a warm and stunning smile at me. "But that's our jobs, our dreams… We're just going to make sure the next tour is of Allison Iraheta and Adam Lambert together." I bit my bottom lip and then smiled widely. God, I've missed every little part of him so much…

"I guess we're gonna have to do that, won't we?"

***

The week passed by faster than I'd expected and before I noticed I had to face my parents. So now, when I really didn't want the weekend to arrive, the time was flying, ha? How is that fair?

"There's something I want to talk to you about." I told my parents Friday evening when we finished our dinner, gathering all of my courage and will. Sarah wasn't home and I took the chance to tell them about Adam and me. Sarah knew we were together, but she believed that we only became a couple when he came back from his tour and we shared a serious talk about our feelings. It wasn't exactly what happened that night, of course. The truth was that we were celebrating the year of our relationship. Not much talking involved, I must admit, but I couldn't tell her that, could I?

"What is it, honey?" My mom immediately got a worried expression.

"It's nothing bad, Mom. I just wanted you to know before the whole world does." I could see I was increasing her concern and my father put his book down, turning his attention to me, so I cleared my throat and got straight to the point. "There might be something happening between Adam and me, except the friendship."

"There might be _what_?!" My dad asked with shock, but mom didn't let me repeat, although I knew they both heard it.

"What happened to the 'I'm not dating him' part? I thought we agreed he was your friend, we never talked about anything else." Strangely, she didn't seem very surprised, just angry or something like that…

"That's why I'm bringing it up now. It wasn't relevant then, but it is now. And before you say anything, I know he's ten years older than me and I don't care."

"You're right; it's exactly what I was going to say." Mom confessed. "And you might not care right now, but you don't think about the future, when –"

"Look, Mom, I respect and love both you and Dad, but it's my life and I am the one who has the right to decide what makes me happy. I know Adam makes me happier than I've ever been."

"Wait, it means you're already together?" Dad suddenly asked. I knew exactly why he wanted to know this, so I decided it was better he didn't know anything. Otherwise I would just be obligated to give him too many explanations.

"No, nothing happened yet." I left it very unspecific, not wanting to lie more than necessary. "But something might. I want to be with him and he wants the same, so I don't see the problem. I'm just sharing this with you, I'm not asking for your permission." I clarified.

"But he's twenty eight and he led this crazy life style before Idol and…" Mom searched for something to add to the list, getting stuck very soon.

"Oh, come on, life's too short to think of this kind of things. Besides, you adore Adam."

"Yes, but as a person, as your friend. Not as your boyfriend." Wow, it sounded so nice when his name was referred to me with that context… No one has ever said it before; up until now I could only think of him as my boyfriend.

"Then you have to get used to the idea he's more than that now. Though I don't see how it's different." I was determined to stay calm.

"Wasn't he gay anyway?" My father spoke suddenly again. It wasn't something I would've ever expected to hear from him.

"No…" I thought for a moment how to explain it to them without telling too much. "It was just what he said to get the press away from us, because they were making up things and spreading rumors." I was proud of myself. I stuck to the truth, leaving only a few parts out. They didn't need to know I've been in a relationship with Adam for a year now and that this was actually the reason for that lie. "And I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about it."

"This is simply unacceptable!" My father exclaimed in response. And this was exactly the reason why they _couldn't_ know the truth. "I won't permit –"

"Dad, you can't tell me what to do anymore. I'm eighteen." At last…

"Maybe you are, but it doesn't mean you can do whatever you want!"

"That's exactly what it means. I'm an adult." Dad opened his mouth, but I didn't let him say anything. "And please, don't give me that 'but you're still living under my roof' line, because I actually like living here, but I can easily move out. And will totally do it, if you try to do anything to separate Adam and me." Surprisingly, I sounded sort of impressing. Although I knew that none of my words would've mattered, if I haven't been eighteen.

"I can't say I'm happy about your choice…" He sighed heavily. "But I can see there's nothing we can do, is there?" Wow, he got the idea very quickly.

"No, you can't. But you don't need to. Adam's amazing and you both know it. Just because he's older than I am, doesn't mean he's wrong for me. Trust me; it wasn't a sudden decision to be together. We've known each other for a long time and we're really sure about what we want. It's going to be complicated as it is, so don't make it even harder than it needs to be." Dad looked at me for a long moment before shaking his head, grabbing his book and going to his room. Well, that went almost well… Better than I'd actually expected it to. And I knew they will both get over it sometime.

"You know, I had a feeling something like this will happen." Mom spoke quietly when my father left.

"Something like this?" I repeated questioningly.

"I knew you felt something more than sisterly affection towards Adam." She explained and I raised my brows. "The way you always speak about him or look at him when he's around… and your face lights up in this special way… every time."

"Mom…" I didn't know what to say. Was I that transplant? How come everybody knew I fell for Adam, but no one suspected he felt the same towards me?

"And he's always so sweet and nice to you… Throws you birthday parties like that…" She chuckled once. So she did know it was all him and not 'my friends' in general. "I was very relieved, when he confessed… about his preferences. There couldn't have been anything going on between you, right? So I tried to ignore that feeling that there's something more to the two of you." I was truly speechless. Damn, she was good. "I just didn't want you to be hurt because of your… crush on someone who you couldn't have. I couldn't have imagined…" She trailed off and for some reason I felt guilty for not telling her the whole truth a long time ago. Although if I had, it would've been so much more problematic. I knew what kind of feeling she was talking about. I'd lived that feeling for a long time, until Adam first kissed me. That feeling left me a year ago and I hoped to never experience it again. "But honestly, how is it possible to not like this guy?" Mom smiled through tears that filled her eyes and I smiled back. She had a point… "I know he'll be good to you, no matter what he had done in the past and how old he is. I just hope you wouldn't regret this decision."

"I won't. Besides, it's not like he could've been my father… It's just ten years." I said to lighten up the mood of the conversation.

"Well, until recently he used to be your brother." I laughed in response. Not so recently, but who cares about details? "So how did all of this happen anyway?" And then I told her the usual storyline, which I'd told Sarah and Jess and Megan… And was going to tell to the entire world. But it wasn't that important as long as in the end Adam and I were together. What did it matter how we got there and who knew about it?

***

"…That's about it." I concluded after I finished the story of how I told my parents about our relationship. Adam was silent for a moment and I wondered what he was thinking about. "Adam?"

"Hmm?" He replied distractedly.

"Everything's great, don't worry about it." I assured him.

"Oh, I'm not worried… I was thinking that I should talk to your parents."

"Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"Because I don't want to hide and let you take the blow. I'm gonna take responsibility for my actions."

"Adam…" I moaned. "This is so unnecessary… It's not like you killed someone." I laughed nervously. "Love isn't a crime." I recited jokingly.

"Um… In our case? It kind of was." We laughed, knowing it was pretty much the truth.

"But it's not anymore and my parents don't know that we're together for such a long time, so it might be sort of suspicious, if you do that serious kind of talk."

"Relax, baby, I'm not going to do something stupid. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do, but –"

"Then why are you so nervous?" He spoke way too calmly and cheerfully for such a subject. I mean, my mom and dad aren't insane of anything, but they weren't exactly pleased with the news I dropped on them a couple of days ago. Especially my father…

"I just think that you should let things cool off a little bit." The mood was still slightly awkward at my home… But I didn't tell him that.

"Does your dad have a gun?" Adam chuckled.

"No." I said hesitantly.

"Then you have nothing to be scared about." I couldn't help but laugh, though not entirely convinced. "How about I pick you up at Saturday?" He offered. That weekend we were going to his parent's, which wasn't terrifying for me anymore. Actually, I was looking forward to it, knowing a whole weekend in my own house could be a little uncomfortable right now. So yeah, I wanted to get away for a while. Could you blame me for it?

"Are you sure it's a good idea?" I wrinkled my nose at the thought of how the whole weekend could get ruined because of a few minutes of an unpleasant conversation.

"Absolutely." I sighed. "It's gonna be fine, sweetie, I promise."

"What if someone sees you around my house?" Maybe I was paranoid, but it's not like I didn't have the reasons to be. It seemed the media followed us everywhere, all the time. Plus, there were always fans, who would recognize us from a three-mile distance.

"So what if they do?" Adam replied lightly. "It's time the world knows the truth anyway. Well, not the _truth_, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah, probably." I agreed.

"Great. So Saturday I'll pick you up at… let's say eleven. Is that okay?"

"I guess…" I didn't have any excuses left, but I figured I should stop freaking out from everything and focus on the important things. Like that I was going to spend the weekend with Adam… and that we were going to stop hiding soon… Although I wasn't sure which one made me more excited at that point. Who cared about the rest of the world when I had Adam?

***

When Adam came over that Saturday he kept his promise and talked to both of my parents. Sadly, I wasn't able to hear the conversation, since Adam insisted on making it privet between him and my parents. Although I didn't hear any shouts or inappropriate words being used, so I allowed myself to relax. Kind of…

And then, before I knew it, we were already driving away from my house. Adam didn't show any intentions to tell me how the conversation went; he only smiled reassuringly, saying everything was great. He didn't have any marks on him so far, so I took it as a good sign and decided to enjoy my time with him. Which I did.

"Can I help you, Leila?" I asked Adam's mom, coming into the kitchen. The _'Mrs. Lambert'_ had been lost long ago, now everything was simple and comfortable. It took a while, but eventually that house felt a lot like home to me. It's not that we've visited it that much. Not at all. But there was no need to pretend, lie or hide in that place, because Adam's parents had known what was going on pretty much from the beginning. Besides, Adam's family was very nice and welcoming, so I was beginning to think of them as my own family as well.

"Umm…" She looked around quickly. "No, everything's ready. Thanks, sweetie."

"There must be something for me to do around here." I insisted and Leila chuckled.

"No, sorry. It's too early to set the table for dinner."

"Hey girls!" Adam entered the kitchen, greeting us loudly.

"Hey Adam." His mother and I said in unison.

"What's going on?" He asked, laughing.

"Your mom doesn't trust me to help her with dinner." I complained jokingly.

"Aww… Mom, why don't you let her do some scrubbing or something?" Adam offered teasingly. "She seems kind of bored."

"I'll let you wash the dishes, honey." Leila promised, smiling.

"I'll gladly do it." I shrugged.

"Wow, you are bored, aren't you?" Adam's eyes widened in fake surprise.

"I'm not bored. I just want to do at least _something_ to help. I feel useless." I said defensively.

"Well, I can think of a few ways you can make yourself useful…" Adam noted and my jaw dropped with shock. I thanked God his mom was turned away, so she couldn't see my furiously burning face at that moment.

"Adam!" Leila exclaimed in response, but I could clearly hear the smile in her voice.

"What?" Adam replied innocently. "Mother! Don't be a pervert!" He could barely hold his laugh back. They were obviously only joking, but I wasn't used to this kind of remarks around people, so it made me feel extremely embarrassed. What was he thinking?! I had to remind myself Adam wasn't a teenager, hasn't been for a while now, and his relationship with his parents was very open, so it made sense he would feel free to say whatever he wanted around them. Still, it didn't mean I had to feel comfortable with that commentary. "I didn't mean that at all. You know that, right Allie?" Adam winked at me and just before I could answer, which I really didn't want to do, my cell phone started to ring. I held a sigh of relief back and pulled the phone out of my pocket.

"Yes?" I answered, walking out of the kitchen, thankful for the salvation call.

"You made her very uncomfortable…" I heard Leila's quiet voice in the background, fading away as I got farther from the kitchen.

"Hi Allison, what's up?" A male voice spoke to me through the phone.

"Hey…" I hesitated. "Who's this?"

"It's Mark!" The guy laughed, as if we had been best friends for years and I should've recognized his voice.

"Oh! What's going on, dude?" I wondered what made him call me again after months since we last spoke.

"Same old, same old." There was an awkward silence, but then he spoke again. "So, how's life? What does the great Allison Iraheta do?" I laughed.

"Umm… Well, I'm working on a new album and the single's gonna be out soon. We did the video a couple of weeks ago."

"Cool. Busy days, hah?"

"Yeah, but it's nice kind of busy." Where was all o this going..? I didn't have anything against the guy, but I wondered what could possibly be the reason for this call. "You?"

"Oh, my life isn't half as fascinating as yours." He laughed again. "I'm still working at the same place, trying to save for a trip…" I walked out to the back porch.

"Nice." I kept it short, hoping to finish the conversation soon.

"So… I was wondering…" O-oh… here we go… "Would you like to go out for drinks or something?"

"No, Mark." I said slowly. "Sorry." Honestly, I wasn't sorry at all, but I didn't want to be mean.

"Why not?" I sighed.

"Just… No."

"It's not a reason." He argued. "For example, I can give you a lot of reasons why we should go out." I heard the door behind me move twice and then felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around me. I breathed in Adam's scent, sighing contently as he tightened his embrace and put his chin on my shoulder.

"It doesn't matter." I forced myself to reply.

"Yes it does." I could barely concentrate on what he was saying while Adam pressed his lips to my neck, leaving them there for a long moment. Mark – who? "Look, we really enjoyed our date, that's one." It was very weird to talk to Mark while being held like that by my boyfriend, who was standing with me on the porch of his parents' house. Ridiculous. "I like you a lot, that's two. And –"

"I'm sorry, Mark." Adam raised his head to look at me at the sound of the name. "You're a nice guy, but we're not going to go out together."

"And still, you can't give me one solid reason." He was beginning to annoy me.

"I don't like you." I rolled my eyes and felt Adam chuckling silently as he realized what this was all about.

"But you just said I'm a nice guy." Mark kept insisting.

"Yeah, but it doesn't mean I have to like you. Look, Mark, I'm not going to date you, so let's keep it nice and say goodbye on a good note." Yeah, a little harsh, but the guy simply refused to give up and I didn't really want to be patient.

"It's because the press found out about us, isn't it?" He guessed.

"Oh my God!" I let out a frustrated noise. I would have hung up, but I didn't want him to go running to some magazine, telling what an evil narcissist I was. I had a lot of drama waiting for me as it was.

"You don't need to worry about gossips…"

"It has nothing to do with the gossips, Mark!" Ironically enough, the only reason I went out with him in the first place was because I needed to start a rumor about me with some guy, who wasn't Adam. Life's a funny thing, I'm telling you. "I just _don't_ want to date you!" Adam kissed the top of my head, then my cheek and then the side of my neck, making me relax instantly.

"Give me a chance." At that moment I was about to explode, but then Adam's breath on my neck distracted me. "Maybe if you got to know me better –" And then my patience was lost.

"Okay, what if I told you that I'm dating someone?" Silence.

"Then I wouldn't believe you. I know you don't have a boyfriend."

"Well, we'll live and see, won't we?" With that I finally hung up the phone and turned around to face Adam. The cell phone rang again, but I just pushed the 'turn off' button without taking my eyes off of Adam's.

"I'm not even going to ask." He said, then pressed his lips together to hold back a laugh.

"Ah, just forget about him." I waved my hand in dismissal and stepped into his embrace once again.

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I hope you liked it! Don't forget to review! :P


	14. Chapter 14

Hey people!

Thank you all for reading! The revies have been amazing, so thank you guys! I'm so happy you like it!

This chapter took so much longer than I thought it would... But eventually, here it is! Ta-da!

Enjoy!

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14 – No one promised it wouldn't be crazy

It felt like too many things happened in the next month for such a short amount of time. Adam and I decided it was finally time to tell the world about us. We didn't want to make a formal announcement or anything, so we did what we had to. We acted. We acted like it was no big deal, as if it wasn't anybody's business, as if we haven't been preparing for it for over a year…

So we went on our first date out, which was practically as privet as a performance on American Idol tour, since we were immediately caught by paparazzi. We couldn't complain though, because it was actually our intention to let people know about our "new" relationship. We tried to ignore most of the direct questions, letting the rumor spread. To our surprise, people weren't convinced that we were dating now, so on our next date in public we made sure to be photographed holding hands.

It felt sort of nice, to be able not to hide and to do whatever we wanted, but the anticipated feel of freedom was lacking for some reason. I felt somehow exposed, as if everybody was watching our every move… Well, maybe because they were. We were followed everywhere and it seemed that Adam and I were the most interesting subject in the world. Every date of ours had a guaranteed place in every magazine. Gossips seemed endless, as everyone tried to guess what had happened and what of all the rumors was true. We tried not to pay attention, much, but it went on for even longer than we'd expected. The excitement about Adison being a real couple was too broad to be anywhere near fading away.

Then Adam and I attended a music event together, which didn't pass unnoticed by the public. It was already all over the papers, along with insane assumptions and questions without answers. We decided it was time to make our next move, which was to actually confirm that we were going out and to tell the story of our relationship.

When Adam was invited to be a guest in a hosting show, we both knew he would be asked about us and found it the perfect opportunity to spread the official confirmation. I didn't doubt he would make it sound completely realistic and sell it as the truth, but I was also curious about how exactly he was going to explain the whole thing.

"Adam Lambert is here tonight." The host of the show announced and the audience exploded with enthusiastic screams and applauses. I leant back in my seat on the couch, in front of the television. '_Well, this shall be interesting…' _I thought.

Adam was introduced properly and then the host welcomed him to join her. He walked out of the backstage with his usual wide and sweet smile, dazzling the major part of the audience. At first he was asked about his recent tour and new singles and all about his future projects. However, it wasn't what everybody was the most intrigued about, so soon the host skipped to the questions about Adam's privet life.

"So, there are lots of rumors about you lately." The host started.

"What's new?" Adam chuckled.

"The subject, actually." It was hilarious, how the host tried to get Adam to tell her everything without asking the question.

"It's not so new either. Been there, done that." He joked. "The difference is that now it's pretty much true." I smiled at the way he spoke, so easily and smoothly, but also naturally.

"Then you _are_ dating Allison Iraheta?" Finally…

"I am, like I've said many times already." Adam smiled his mind-blowing smile again. Yeah, he said it a couple of times in a 'by-the-way manner', but never got into details. I, on the other hand, preferred to keep my silence and leave all the talking to Adam.

"You're acting all cool and everything, but it's a big deal!" The host laughed slightly, trying to behave properly, but the excitement was practically written all over her face.

"It is for us, but it shouldn't be for anybody else." Couldn't agree more.

"What about your confession last year?"

"About me being gay?" Adam asked casually and I wondered how he could stay so calm. "Well, apparently some things have changed since then."

"So what, you just switched from gay to straight?"

"No," Adam laughed. "I wouldn't describe it like this. But it doesn't really matter anyway. Love is love, no matter who it involves or how you call it. I don't like to put labels to things and don't believe in stereotypes, because everything can change and be changed." He was even better than I'd expected.

"So what, now you're a bisexual?"

"I don't know." Adam shrugged. "Now I'm an Allie-sexual, I guess." And then my heart melted and turned into a puddle of love for Adam.

"I can see your point," The host smiled, looking at Adam with an obvious adoration. "But we all want to know what happened to you two and what caused this." Adam smiled again, giving no reason to question his sincerity, which made him feel bad inside, I knew.

"Well, Allison and I know each other from American Idol and we've been very good friends ever since we met. Back then she was like a little sister to me and we didn't really see each other in a different perspective." Adam explained in a casual tone. "After the tour we went on with the other top ten contestants, we didn't see each other that much anymore and though we always kept in touch, we weren't as close." I smirked to myself at that. It was _very_ far from the truth. "We didn't want that to happen, but you know how it is, if you keep a distant contact, eventually you draw apart from the other person." He shrugged. "Then I saw her at her birthday party and I think it was the first time I've looked at her and saw in a different light. And then everything started to change."

"To change in what way?" The host interfered.

"Um… It's hard to say. It was just very different from what we remembered from the show and the tour… The strangest thing was that immediately after that party I went on my tour and I kind of expected everything to come back to normal while I was gone, but it never had."

"And you wanted it to come back to normal?"

"Oh, I did! But there was nothing we could do, even though we did try to ignore that new edge to our relationship. So when I came back we thought '_The hell with it! Let's do it and see what happens.' _and decided to go out together. It was probably when we realized we became more than friends over the last few months. I guess meeting again after such a long time apart was almost like getting to know each other for the first time." Ironically, it made much more sense the way he told it than the way it really happened. How did he do it? "Life's a funny thing, you know?" Adam threw a glance at the camera and I knew it was directed to me. I smiled, knowing our plan worked perfectly.

"And how do you feel about the fact that people had been actually right about you and Allison? I meant, except the timing." Good thing she added the last sentence, because I was already having a minor seizure. Although I knew they wouldn't been able to prove anything now, even if someone suspected the truth. "Don't you feel like you should've listened to… everybody?" Adam laughed lightly.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason and at the exactly the right time. So no, I don't. It happened to us now, because it's supposed to be this way." The host nodded in agreement.

"You realize you just dropped the bomb of the year, right?" Oh, he realized… We both _so_ did. "No one, not even Adison-love devoted fans, had expected something like this."

"Neither did we." Adam said simply.

"I think people would've been less shocked, if you and Kris Allen started to go out." At that everyone, including Adam and the host, burst out laughing almost hysterically. "No, really, you have to admit that it would've sounded so much more realistic…"

"Katy," Adam said, looking into the camera and still smiling widely. "Don't listen to the crazy woman!" They laughed some more before Adam replied more seriously. "Honestly, I don't think it's any body's business. But you know me; I can't keep my mouth shut." He laughed. "If something excites me, I just _have_ to talk about it. What can I say? I have a big mouth." And I almost believed him. I mean, he was _very_ convincing and I knew it was true about everything else, but I also knew the truth. And I knew how much it bothered him to tell those lies.

"So just over a year ago you admitted being gay and now you're announcing you're dating Allison Iraheta herself… What's going to happen next year? Will you come back with another scandalous confession?"

"I don't know," Adam chuckled. "Maybe. How can I know what's gonna happen in a year or a month, even?"

"You're saying it's possible that we'll see you with a guy next year?" That woman was starting to get on my nerves… I knew it couldn't happen, but it was still irritating to hear her suggest something like that.

"Well, theoretically – yes." Excuse me? Was he trying to get himself murdered? By me? "But I seriously doubt it. I hope that my relationship with Allison would last for much, much longer than that." Well, that was good for him, because I intended to keep him as long as possible. Forever would be nice too.

"So you're in love?" My heart sunk at the sound of this question, which sounded a lot like statement.

"Yes," Adam smiled softly, but firmly. "I am." My mind was screaming _'No, you idiot, we've been going out for a month, remember?!'_, but my heart was a whole different story, pounding fiercely as a reaction to Adam's words, even though I've heard them for a immeasurable amount of times.

***

My cell phone rang for the countless time that day and I was too tired from all the repetitive questions. Ever since everyone watched the show Adam took part in the night before, my phone hadn't stopped playing the music of my ringtone. Family, friends and people I barely knew were calling to verify the shocking announcement my boyfriend had made. Everyone who we knew from Idol had called either Adam or me… Or both of us. There were basically two types of questions: "Is it true?" and "Why didn't I know?". But honestly, what did they expect to hear? That Adam was just joking when he said we were going out? Or that for more than a month we've been walking around, holding hands and hugging, while on romantic dates out, just for publicity? Yeah, like we had a problem with _that_…

"Yes, it's true, Adam and I are dating." I said impatiently into the phone instead of a greeting, not bothering to look at the number on the screen.

"Hi to you too, Allie." I heard the best sound in the world, followed by a chuckle.

"Oh, Adam! Hey baby." I instantly felt a jolt of energy. "What's up?"

"Everything is great! I just talked to Kris and he thinks we really pulled it off." He said excitedly. "_'Very believable'_ were his exact words."

"I think so too. You were brilliant." I smiled softly at the memory of what he said last night.

"Congratulations, partner, mission's completed." Adam announced excitedly and I laughed in response.

"I can't believe it's over."

"It's not over. It's only the beginning." Suddenly I felt some kind of enthusiastic anticipation wash through me. He was right and it caused me more joy than I could describe.

***

"Good afternoon, everybody!" Adam greeted my parents and me when I invited him to come into house.

"Oh, hi Adam." My mom smiled, taking her eyes off of the TV to look at him. Dad just nodded shortly and got back to his book. Well, at least he wasn't ignoring my boyfriend anymore…

"Where's Sarah?" Adam asked as we passed through the living room to the stairs and then up to the second floor.

"Out with friends." I shrugged. "Why?"

"I've got something for her." He pointed at a bag he was carrying and it was the first time I even noticed it.

"What is it?" I let him inside my room and closed the door behind me.

"Remember that jacket she wanted so much a couple of weeks ago..?"

"Are you kidding me? You got it for her?!" My eyes widened with shock and enthusiasm.

"Yeah," He said simply.

"She was like _crazy_ about it! She hasn't been herself for about a week after they told her it was the only one and they wouldn't sell it to her, because someone already ordered it…" I still remembered the trip to one of Adam's favorite shops. We've been there many times before and I got there quite a few outfits. This time should've been no different, but the catch was that this time Sarah joined us. She literally fell in love with a jacket and refused to leave until they sold it to her, even though they explained very politely that it was a mistake and the jacket had been sold already. Well, Sarah really liked the thing and _heaven forbid_ that she wouldn't get what she wanted…

"Yeah, they try to keep their pieces unique." Adam chuckled, probably remembering the fit my sister threw as well.

"So how did you get it?"

"Ah, it wasn't a problem. I told you I have a bunch of good friends." He waved his hand dismissively.

"Sarah would _die_ when she sees it!"

"Oh no! Then we won't show it to her." Adam faked horror on his face. I laughed and hugged him.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, sweetie." He kissed the top of my head.

"She didn't think you would really keep your promise and bring it to her." I admitted.

"So what, she thought I was just bragging when I said I could get it for her?" Adam laughed.

"No, she knows you too well for that. I guess she just expected you would forget or something." I pulled him to sit down on my bed and took a seat beside him.

"I'm not that old!" Adam joked. "Tell her I didn't forget and she can think of this as an early birthday present."

"Okay." It was my turn to laugh. "I'll tell her."

"Oh, I've read this article about us today…" He reached for the bag he brought with him to get a magazine from it. "You have to hear this…" Adam found the right page, cleared his throat and started reading aloud:

"_Last week the former American Idols, Adam Lambert and Allison Iraheta, confirmed their relationship as a couple…" - _Bla-bla-bla… - "_Adison fans are ecstatic, Kradam fans are in denial, other fans are shocked and the haters are strongly convinced this is only PR. One thing's for sure, this news hadn't left anybody indifferent._

'_People are curious and intrigued, and I get it.' Sais Adam Lambert in one of his latest interviews, "But it's our own business what we do with our privet lives.'_

_It seems rumors can never get to this guy. He stays as positive and cool about the whole situation as always. Doesn't he know that they just rocked the world with their announcement?" - _Listen to this_, - "Still, they act like it's nothing new or unusual, as if they knew all along that everyone was right._

'_I love my fans, but no one has the right to tell me what I should or shouldn't do.' Sais the young rock star, Allison Iraheta, 'That's how we feel and that's what we wanna do. Anybody who has a problem with that - it's cool with me. I'm here for the music. If people like my music, they shouldn't care about my romantic interest or whatever. It has nothing to do with my work or Adam's.'_

_They truly believe they have a right for privet lives, don't they? Sorry to disappoint you guys, but you gave up this right when you decided to be super talented, super popular and **super** interesting." _

He stopped reading at that and a silence fell on the room. For a long moment we just stared at each other without saying a word, but then we both started laughing so hard that I had trouble breathing, neither able to stop for a while.

"Can you believe it?" Adam said, still laughing slightly. "As if they knew all along… God!"

"Man," I let out a shaky breath. "They're as close to the truth as always… and still so far away from it that it's ridiculous."

"Yeah, well, it's good for us. It means we did it." Adam beamed at me.

"We did, didn't we?" Before either one of us could say or do anything else, we heard a knock on the door, flowed by my mother's voice.

"Allie?"

"Yeah, Mom, come in." I rolled my eyes, knowing she was afraid to find us in an embarrassing position. Did she seriously think we would do something like that when she and my father were in the leaving room just down the stairs? Come on, we had Adam's apartment all for ourselves for that!

"Um… I just wanted to ask if you're staying for dinner, Adam…" She picked into the room, not even entering it. I didn't bother to move away from Adam or anything. We were only sitting side by side, not even hugging anymore, she could deal with it.

"I'd love that, thank you." Adam gave her his astonishing smile, which could melt a rock, if needed. And my mother's heart has never been a rock…

"That's wonderful." She smiled back warmly. What can I say? Adam had his charm. "I'll call you kids when it's ready."

"Thanks." I nodded, wondering how Adam felt about being called a kid again. "Oh, Mom, you will never guess what Adam brought with him."

"What?"

"A jacket for Sarah." I moved my eyebrows suggestively. "As in _the_ jacket."

"Oh! That's so nice of you, Adam. She hadn't stopped talking about it ever since she saw it."

"Well, I'm glad I could be useful." Adam replied politely and my mother smiled again and left.

"Now she'll stop being so… bitchy." I suggested and he laughed and wrapped me in a hug.

***

I used my key to get into Adam's apartment, as I usually did, and walked to his bedroom where the sound of voices was coming from. I was eager to see Adam after a few days apart, so I hurried to find him, almost skipping to the hallway. Nonetheless, when I reached the door, I didn't enter the room and didn't make my presence known. I just froze. No, I didn't see some horrifying sight or anything unusual at all, for that matter. In front of me Adam was lying on his bed, leaning his back against the headboard, his attention dedicated entirely to whatever he was watching on the TV. No, there was nothing shocking or unbelievable in that sight. So why couldn't I move? Why did my heart go crazy, skipping beats and hammering faster than normal for any human? Why was I unable to take my eyes off of him? Why did I turn so breathless?

I couldn't give myself a definite answer. I just kept standing there, sliding along every line of his face and body with my eyes, enjoying his striking beauty. I watched his chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm, hoping it would stay this way only until he noticed me. I studied his peaceful but concentrated expression, admiring for the countless time the way he licked his lips… Well, honestly, I admired every single thing about him. If you ask me, there are three things you can watch forever and never get tired of: fire, water and Adam Lambert.

Once, when I still had no idea Adam had feelings for me, I used to wonder what I've done in life to be punished this way. I had been disappointed from life, almost depressed from thinking I could never have the guy I loved more than anything in the world. More than the world itself. I used to think I was damned to be tortured forever by only being next to him, but not being able to really be _with_ him. I used to think there was nothing to look forward to, knowing I could never stop loving Adam and fall for another guy. I used to feel helpless… And now, as I was looking at my boyfriend, who was also the guy I loved so much, I was wondering what I've done in life to deserve this. What made me worthy of him and all the happiness he caused me? But don't get me wrong, I love the guy and the happiness!

Then Adam suddenly looked aside, as if someone had called his name, meeting my gaze and immediately a wide smile spread across his lips. I smiled back and walked to the bed as he turned off the television.

"Hey, sweetie." He opened his arms so I could hug him when I crawled to his side.

"Hey." I gave him a kiss on the lips, staying very close to him.

"Crazy days, hah?" Adam chuckled.

"Absolutely insane…" I was pretty much serious. "God, it's so good to be here right now. Only you and me…" I sighed happily. It was pretty tiring to be always surrounded by media and fans, who were constantly screaming and asking way too many questions.

"I don't know how I would've gotten through it, if I didn't have you." Adam said seriously.

"If you didn't have me, you wouldn't have had to go through all of this." I reminded him, but he ignored that.

"When things get a little tough to handle I think about the reason why we're doing it and I realize that it's worth it. It's worth anything." I bit my lip, looking straight into his eyes. I knew he meant it. I also felt that way.

"That's how I survived the last couple of weeks."

"Yeah, well, we're here now. Let's stop with all the angst and do something fun." Adam smiled at me and my heart fluttered as always.

"Any suggestions?" I asked casually.

"Um… I don't know. What do you wanna do?"

"I want to… talk." Adam raised his eyebrows in surprise as I leaned away to look at him.

"About?" I looked down for a moment, trying to swallow. "Allie?" I cleared my throat and looked back at him.

"Well, you know we've been together for over a year now." I started.

"M-hm." Adam was smiling. Not for long…

"Well, I figured… We've never really celebrated it."

"What do you mean? We've had a fancy dinner in my beautiful house," Adam gestured with his hands around us, clearly not catching my wave and not being serious. Again, not for long. "And we even had a bottle of wine and _a lot_ of chocolate." We both laughed at the memory.

"Right… But I was thinking in a little bit different direction."

"If you say you want to go out to some posh restaurant, I'll fall from this bed." He warned. Actually, I preferred him to stay on it.

"No, no…" I smiled to calm him down. Or at least myself, because he wasn't really worried. "We also got over the legal issues, because I'm eighteen now…"

"Your point?" Adam raised one eyebrow. "You want to get into some club..?" He chuckled. "…Invite a stripper..?"

"Actually…" His eyes widened in fake shock, but the smile never left his lips. "How about that cards game we were considering a while ago to celebrate this occasion?" Adam laughed for about half a minute while I just stared at him.

"I never considered it." He protested.

"Oh, really?" I moved to sit on top of him, finding my upper body pressed to his. "Not even a little bit..?" I bit my lip seductively, only half joking.

"No, not even a little bit. If I'd let myself even think about it…" He shook his head, closing his eyes for a short moment. "It was difficult enough without your ideas…" I leant in to kiss his jaw lightly.

"Why don't you consider it now?" I whispered into his ear before pressing my lips to his neck.

"Allie…" He breathed out my name like a sigh, wrapping his arms around me. "Don't do this to me."

"There's nothing that stands in our way now. It only depends on what you want." He remained silent for another moment. "Because you know what I want." I added, leaning back to look into his eyes to show him I was completely serious.

"Are you sure it's what you want?" He was whispering now as well, even though there was no one around to hear us anyway.

"Absolutely." I didn't break the eye contact. "I love you." I don't even know why I said it. It's not like it was something new or could somehow affect his decision. I just felt like telling him again, for the countless time.

"I love you too, Allie." Adam embraced me for a long moment, pressing me tighter to himself. "No matter what." He whispered and then cupped my face and kissed me for what seemed like forever. Forever that was always to sort for us.

He pulled away and looked at my face for a while, as if searching for something in expression or my eyes. Then he bent down, moving slightly the fabric of my shirt to press his warm lips to my collar bone for a long moment. The heat washed through me instantly and I felt like I was on fire. But it was a good kind of fire… I think. Then his lips traced the pattern up my neck and finally reached my lips, capturing them tenderly.

When I felt he was about to break the contact, I knew what his answer would be. But I wasn't about to give up, so I put one of my hands on the back of his neck and grabbed the collar of his shirt with the other one, deepening the kiss and taking it to a whole different level… I knew he had been about to refuse or tell me we had to wait, but he wasn't able to do it anymore. Even Adam wasn't that strong and self-disciplined. Like he once told me, he wasn't made of steel.

We both were aware of the fact that there was no way back, but neither of us really wanted it anyway. Not that we were even thinking at those moments. We were only feeling. Feeling more than I'd thought was possible. Surprisingly, there wasn't any anxiety or fear among those feelings, not even insecurity or hesitation. Just pure excitement… The sensation was almost too overwhelming to bear as we were drowning together in the endless ocean of love… God, I sound like some winy character from a cheesy novel. But truth to be told, there's no better way to describe it. Well, it doesn't really come close to what was going on inside of me, but it's the best I could possibly come up with. Love is the key word. Nothing else mattered.

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Okay, I'm leaving it here… Give the two some privacy, you shameless people! XD Seriously, the rating stays what it is, so that's not going to get any more detailed.

As always, I really hope you liked it and I would looove to know your opinion. Please share it with me! =D


	15. Chapter 15

Hi everyone!

I'm not going to say much before you read the chapter. Just thanks everyone!

And yes - it's exactly what it looks like!

Enjoy!

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Epilogue

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The 'news' about Adam Lambert and Allison Iraheta caused the predictable noise and constant interest in our relationship, but it wasn't anything we didn't expect. The most important thing was that the public bought our story and didn't doubt its credibility. Sure, we had to deal with the publicity and the endless prying in our privet lives, but we didn't really have to worry about it anymore. Now we were just another celebrity couple and not a criminal case. Now no one had the right to tell us what was right or wrong. Now there was nothing to accuse us in. We were free to be ourselves. Together.

"You know, it's still a little weird that you're taking me home after a date." I said with a smile while Adam was walking me from his car to my door, holding my hand. We both knew the next day there would be dozens of headlines like 'Adison on a date' or 'Adam and Allie on the beach' or even 'The flourishing love of the rockers'… I'm not kidding, they were getting very creative lately. We were already almost used to seeing pictures and videos of us together – for real – whether they were on some TV show, gossip magazine or a fan-site. But then again, who cared? Now it was almost of nice… Like a constant proof that I wasn't dreaming or imagining things. Well, except for the times when our dates got ruined because a bunch of reporters refused to leave us alone, not letting us enjoy the time together. Although even that couldn't really destroy my date with Adam. In that case we would just take it home. And it's not a bad thing, really. "It feels… like we're a real, normal couple."

"We are a real couple." Adam laughed.

"But not normal." I joked, making him laugh a little more. "It's nice, actually."

"It is." He brought my hand to his lips to kiss it. "I hope your father doesn't come out to yell at us for making out on his porch, like happens to _real-normal_ couples."

"I don't think he will." I giggled as we stopped in front of the entrance. "But my mom might." We tried not to laugh too loudly, because it was pretty late and we didn't want to wake my parents up. "Do you want to come in? The lights are all off, I'm pretty sure they're all asleep."

"I think I'll pass this time. We both have a busy day tomorrow." Adam laughed again. "I've been thinking…" He said more seriously after a long pause.

"That's something new." I teased.

"Yeah, I found it challenging, honestly." Adam teased back. "Anyway, I want to spend all of my free time with you and not just to go out on dates a couple of times a week, praying we can have a tiny bit of time together."

"It's not easy with our schedules, I know that, but it's not like we're not doing our best to find as much time as possible. Like yesterday, when we hung out at your place, it makes it three times this week already."

"Yeah, but it was just for a few hours and we're not gonna see each other until next week again. Look, I don't want to count dates or hours that we can spend together." He chuckled lightly. "I really don't want to snick at night into your house when your parents don't know I'm here…" I didn't like the direction he was taking with this speech. "I'm twenty eight, for God's sake!"

"We can wake them up and enounce your presence, if you want." I tried to joke about it. I put my hands against his chest as he grinned at me in the dim light of the night street. "Or we can stay on the porch until they get up in the morning."

"It's not what I mean." Adam took my hands in his, pressing them closer to his body. "You know my _dream_ house is almost finished…" I smiled at his way to describe the house he bought a while ago. It really was everything he wanted in a house and finally he was getting to live there. "And we're pretty serious for a while now... but –"

"Are you proposing?" I don't know why I had to joke at that moment. I guess I was a little alarmed by his words. I mean, where was he going with this?

"No." He answered simply, laughing. I had to put some effort to stop myself from frowning. Of course I didn't think he would propose or anything, but why was he so definite? What, it was that impossible for him to do it? Not that I wanted him… Well, you know what I mean. Right? "When I propose it's going to be special and beautiful, like the most important person in my life deserves. And not on the front porch of your house, in whispers to not wake your parents up." Ah, that beautiful word 'when'… My heart squeezed and doubled its pace. Honestly, he could've asked right then, at the circumstances he described, and still have me yelling 'YES' like a mental person. "So no, I'm not proposing. Yet." I don't even have a suitable comment for the last word. "When I move… do you want to move in with me?" It took me a moment to realize what he was saying.

"What?" I definitely wasn't expecting to hear this.

"It's okay, if you don't want to. I know you're young, maybe too young for this… but you know, we used to live together even before we got together and –"

"Are you serious?"

"I am. So, you want to?" Did he even need to ask this?

"Of course I want to! Are you kidding me?" Adam laughed and pulled me into a hug.

"Do you think your parents will let you do it?"

"Come on, it's been a while since I stopped doing what they told me to." I looked up at him. "They'll deal with it like they did with everything else. Besides, I don't think they will have a problem with this."

"Yeah, I think that I should talk to them about it."

"I think _we_ should talk to them about it." I corrected and he nodded in agreement, stroking my cheek gently with his fingers.

"Okay, so I'll invite your family for a dinner at my place sometime this weekend."

"Your mom invited us for lunch this Sunday." I reminded him. "So make it Saturday." I reached up to plant a kiss on his neck, leaving my lips pressed to his skin for a while as I felt his pulse underneath them.

"Right." His voice was a bit husky as he said this, then he straightened back up and looked at me. His gaze lingered on my face for a long minute of silence until he focused on my eyes and I started drowning in his brilliant ones. Damn, could he get any more beautiful? "God, Allie, if I could only find the words to explain how much I love you…" His voice trembled hardly noticably with emotion, his expression a bit tense with his eyebrows pulled slightly together and his eyes were warm and caressing, as sincere as always.

"You don't need to." I whispered, sliding my hand to his neck. "I feel everything." I didn't have to raise my voice at all, we were screaming with our eyes and it was so, so much more than words. Then Adam held my face between his hands and bent down to meet my lips in a breathtaking kiss. My heart was pounding so powerfully, that it almost hurt, but it was a strangely pleasant pain of excitement and overwhelming love.

If someone had told me two years ago that I would be so insanely in love with Adam Lambert, who would actually love me back the same way – I definitely wouldn't have believed the mean person who tried to joke in such a cruel, heartless way. I hadn't even dared to dream, let alone hope or expect to get so lucky. It's almost ridiculous how one person – even as amazingly fantastic as Adam – could change a person's life. My life. This one and only person had turned me into the happiest person alive. Well, that's how I feel, at least. If you can prove otherwise… keep your arguments to yourself!

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The end.

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On this optimistic note… we wrap up the story! This time I'm not kidding at all. That's the end. Or the beginning. Whatever you want to call it.

So first of all, thank you all for sticking with the story all of this time! Thanks to every single person who had ever reviewed, it meant a lot. And I honestly hope you enjoyed reading it! It was so fun to write it…

Which leads to my tiny request… Since it's the last chapter of this story, I would really appreciate it if you told me what you think of the story as a whole and the end particularly. Think of it as your last opportunity to tell me your opinion=D

Andddd…. Don't forget that it was only the first version! There is also another version to this story. Or more accurately, a different version to the second part of 'It's Not a Crush'. The other alternative isn't going to repeat the exact events; it will be a completely separate story, that suggests how it would've gone under different circumstances. Well, I'll tell you everything about it when I post it, which hopefully won't take too long. So just keep in mind it's on the way. A little more of Adam and Allie could never hurt, right?

Love you all and will be back soon!


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